Clearing up misconceptions about Jim Coombs

[M2]

Hate to pick on Raisor, but he got ahold of some bum information in the closed down Livan Hernandez thread and it demands correction.

[Coombs is] in prison for 5-7 on drug charges.

It's really sad. He got caught with bootleg canadian little blue pills.

That's just a cover. He's settled on world domination rather than baseball domination. He engineered the collapse of international financial markets in order to take over Iceland, where he has now been proclaimed Grand Overlord (Efstherra). He's busy harnessing geothermal energy inside his volcanic lair and suspicion is that his next plot is a ray that gives all men x-ray vision, essentially rendering them incapable of thought while they busily gaze through women's clothing (or other men for some).

[Screwball]

Iceland? Well that's just silly.

[vaticanplum]

I have been on this board for over three years, and I have yet to have anyone sufficiently explain to me who Jim Coombs is. All I know is that he's superhuman.

I would apologize for raining on the parade, but I fully expect that "superhuman" comment to be run with.

[Tom Servo]

Would this little blues happen to be Chris Berman's infamous "deux deux duex"'s?

http://deadspin.com/355926/espn-reac...-but-worry-not

[Raisor]

Hate to pick on Raisor, but he got ahold of some bum information in the closed down Livan Hernandez thread and it demands correction.



That's just a cover. He's settled on world domination rather than baseball domination. He engineered the collapse of international financial markets in order to take over Iceland, where he has now been proclaimed Grand Overlord (Efstherra). He's busy harnessing geothermal energy inside his volcanic lair and suspicion is that his next plot is a ray that gives all men x-ray vision, essentially rendering them incapable of thought while they busily gaze through women's clothing (or other men for some).

That's just his cover story.

[Chip R]

I have been on this board for over three years, and I have yet to have anyone sufficiently explain to me who Jim Coombs is. All I know is that he's superhuman.

I would apologize for raining on the parade, but I fully expect that "superhuman" comment to be run with.

Actually, we're not sure he's actually human. It's difficult to believe that someone with his skills is human.

[Raisor]

Actually, we're not sure he's actually human. It's difficult to believe that someone with his skills is human.

That would explain some of the pictures I've seen.

[M2]

Can it be that some don't know the story of Jim Coombs?

Well pull up an iceblock and lend an ear.

Coombs underwent puberty during the second trimester in his mother's womb.*

When he was three-years-old Jim Coombs could throw a wiffle ball through a grown man.**

At age four, using nothing but a He-Man doll, a full container of Quaker Oats and a pack of rubberbands, Coombs constructed a fully functional intercontinental ballistic missile.

* - After receiving a prophecy from a wandering Pashtun mystic/same-day carpet installation salesman, Coombs' mother had her womb reinforced with titanium. After Coombs' birth, she had the contraption, now known as the Coombs Womb, removed and placed in the heart of the Amazon jungle, supposedly never to be seen again. Yet now indigenous tribes treat it as a holy relic and women who touch it reportedly experience instant pregnancy.

** - Namely his late uncle Marvin.

[Blimpie]

Dear God...

Was that ever an enjoyable yarn.

Nicely done.

[Caveat Emperor]

I have been on this board for over three years, and I have yet to have anyone sufficiently explain to me who Jim Coombs is. All I know is that he's superhuman.

I would apologize for raining on the parade, but I fully expect that "superhuman" comment to be run with.

Personally, I think part of the fun is just pretending like you know what the hell is going on.

Fun fact: Jim Coombs' middle name? Tiberius. (His parents were nerds)

[lollipopcurve]

* - After receiving a prophecy from a wandering Pashtun mystic/same-day carpet installation salesman, Coombs' mother had her womb reinforced with titanium. After Coombs' birth, she had the contraption, now known as the Coombs Womb, removed and placed in the heart of the Amazon jungle, supposedly never to be seen again. Yet now indigenous tribes treat it as a holy relic and women who touch it reportedly experience instant pregnancy.

I did not know that.

Leynerian!

[OnBaseMachine]

Jim Coombs lost his virginity before his dad did.

[Raisor]

Jim Coombs lost his virginity before his dad did.

Ok, I actually believe that one.

[M2]

I did not know that.

Leynerian!

Actually, rather than play Little League, Coombs played shortstop/pachinko savant/demolitions expert for Team Leyner.

[M2]

Fun fact: Jim Coombs' middle name? Tiberius. (His parents were nerds)

Sacrilege! While it is true his middle name is Tiberius and that Coombs' mother has an actual armor class of -7 to go with 237 hit points, which is plenty nerdy, she was also going to be a Sports Illustrated cover model back in 1981, but she was so hot that all who viewed her photo set went blind.

Coombs' father is unknown. After the night of Coombs' conception, his mother woke up naked in a field surrounded by empty whippet casings, unable to remember the night before and next to a Mack truck covered completely in black chinchilla fur. Inside the cab of the truck, hanging from the rearview, was an autographed photo* of William Shatner from his Star Trek days - and that's where the name James Tiberius Coombs originated.

Then the ground to began to shake, Coomb's mother fled the scene, only to see the earth swallow the truck whole as she glanced back.

* - Reportedly Shatner wrote "Yo! Man! Dude!, Bill"