Christmas Shopping For The Spouse

[GAC]

Years ago, my wife and I decided not to buy each other gifts for Christmas. Christmas was for the kids. Besides, it was always a hassle trying to figure out what to get your wife. I'm easy to buy for. Just get me power tools. But after my wife found out about my insurance policy I told her not to bother.

I was balancing the checkbook and seen all these receipts from JC Penneys and a couple other stores. I didn't look at the items but simply the amount. I ended up having to transfer money over to insure they were covered, and was somewhat upset. My wife is one that thinks that as long as there are checks in the checkbook there is plenty of money. She can whip out here ATM card faster then Wyatt Earp can his six-shooter.

So I went into to ask her. She was in bed sharpening her cla....filing her nails. So I asked her if these were gifts for her "girlfriend" gift exchange at work, and that I had to transfer money over to cover them. I thought we were done with our shopping. She then looks up at me with those sad puppy eyes and says "Those are gifts I bought for you."

I went from being 5' 9" to just a few inches tall. I didn't know how to respond or what to say.

She just did an "end around" on me. As I turned and walked away I felt like a Brown's linebacker trying to stop LaDianian Tomlinson mumbling to myself.

Now I have to go out and get her something.

There is no way I'm going to get to Christmas morning, where everyone is opening up gifts, tearing into packages, and there is my wife with nothing.

And of course her response to anything you might say will be "That's OK honey. My gift is watching the happy face on all of you."

B-A-L-O-N-E-Y

She has just gained an edge. She is one-up on you now. And it's a debt that will no be forgotten. Somehow and somewhere, at a certain point and time in the future, that "debt" must be paid men.

So I am now having to do my research in order to get her something.

These are the types of decisions that we men have to be very careful, inputting alot of thought, in making.

We have no problem making such decisions as do I or don't I nuc Iran? Do I or don't I send a CIA hit squad after Chavez?

Easy decisions to make. Piece of cake.

We don't have to worry about saving the receipt, whether they will like it or not, or having to stand in line the day after Christmas trying to return it.

So here are some tips I've learned after being married for 25 years....

clothes

I've learned that a woman's closet has two types....

those that she is currently wearing, and

those that she can't wear, won't throw away, and is hoping someday to be able to wear again.

If you value your life, play it safe and stay away from the 24Ws and go with the size 12s.

If you have to get the wrong size, it's far better to go small. If she opens up a package and finds a pair of designer jeans that are too small for her, you can always say "You look like a size 12 to me honey".

But you cannot explain a size 24. You would have far greater success negotiating with North Korea.

perfumes

Stay away from anything lilac. I found out that is what 80 yr old grandmothers wear.

diamonds

If she is expecting a diamond and you can't afford it, then since this is 2006 you can use the "Blood Diamond" excuse.... "I really wanted to get you one honey. I was standing in the jewelry store and had one all picked out. Then I though of the terrible conditions and forced slave labor it took to procure that diamond after seeing the movie. That is why I went with the Salad Shooter."

shoes

Just go to the back of her closet and find the newest pair. Clean the dust off of them and put them in a new box. They'll never know the difference.

And add that special touch. Get some odor eaters and bunion pads to go with it.

hosiery/lingerie

Don't try it on first. Not only does it stretch the heck out of it, but scares the crap out of the department store clerk.


I hope my advice will save alot of you men any pain and suffering.

Now... do any of you have any ideas what I can get my wife?

[bucksfan]

It used to be easy for me, GAC. But somewhere along the line, maybe between years 9 and 12, my judgement went south or her tolerance for my judgment went south. I claim the latter.

We try to limit ourselves for each other too as it is about our daughter ( and now here 2 week old cousin) but we still like to put some thought towards getting each other something.

This year it was pretty easy (famous last words, check again w/me Dec-26!). After seeing her frustration as our clunky Kodak digital camera failed once again to perform it's sole duty in life at our daughter's 5th birthday party, I had an answer. And fortunately the Canon Power shot SD600 went on sale the next day. So now she will have a sleek little # that presumably also takes a picture along with taking up minimal valuable "pursal" real estate. Plus I will be saved the glare of being head of a household that cannot provide its constituents with a functioning camera in this age when everything from turtle neck sweaters to toothbrush holders seem to be able to capture photographic images for posterity.

This probably didn't help you (I didn't think I could!) but it didn';t hurt did it? Good luck anyways!

[goreds2]

I got my wife a gift card to Victoria Secret and a fancy beauty salon (I forget the name of the fancy place). She kind of hinted me for those things though.

I hope this helps.

[Red in Chicago]

how about a cabana boy

[Unassisted]

Originally Posted by GAC

Years ago, my wife and I decided not to buy each other gifts for Christmas.

My wife and I did the same thing shortly after our first kid arrived and have stuck to that for nearly 15 years. My trump cards are that I am hard-as-heck to buy for and I spend more time on bargain web sites than she does to obtain the few things on my wish list at a lower price than she could get them. Since she can't bear the idea of paying regular price if there's a bargain to be had on something, I can't imagine she'd ever want to do an end-around like you described.

At least, I hope she never does anyway.

As for what to get your wife... if she likes things that smell nice, you can't go wrong getting an armload of stuff from a place like Bath and Body Works.

[BUTLER REDSFAN]

we do the same thing--we haven't bought each other a christmas gift in years...always get something for the house like a portable tv or a stereo...got 2 kids to buy for and thats enough...she loves excursions though--how about paying for a weekend trip to gatlinburg??

[Roy Tucker]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Buy her diamonds.

I learned my lesson the year I bought my wife some diamond earrings. She said you shouldn't have. She said take them back, they're too expensive. She said they are too extravagant. She said I can't keep these. I said shut up woman.

And then she wore them, and them only, to bed that night And then she didn't take them off for the next year. And she got compliments out the wazoo and every time she did, she got this dreamy look on her face like she had a private secret.

Diamonds, my man.

[RedsBaron]

Roy is a wise man--listen to him.

[Red Heeler]

Originally Posted by Roy Tucker

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Buy her diamonds.

I learned my lesson the year I bought my wife some diamond earrings. She said you shouldn't have. She said take them back, they're too expensive. She said they are too extravagant. She said I can't keep these. I said shut up woman.

And then she wore them, and them only, to bed that night And then she didn't take them off for the next year. And she got compliments out the wazoo and every time she did, she got this dreamy look on her face like she had a private secret.

Diamonds, my man.

What he said.

I had exactly the same scenario the year I bought Mrs. Heeler diamond earrings. This year its going to be a necklace with a pendant in the shape of a flower. The center is a diamond with the petals made of opal (her birthstone).

[RedFanAlways1966]

Great stuff (and so true), GAC!

[GAC]

Originally Posted by Roy Tucker

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Buy her diamonds.

I learned my lesson the year I bought my wife some diamond earrings. She said you shouldn't have. She said take them back, they're too expensive. She said they are too extravagant. She said I can't keep these. I said shut up woman.

And then she wore them, and them only, to bed that night And then she didn't take them off for the next year. And she got compliments out the wazoo and every time she did, she got this dreamy look on her face like she had a private secret.

Diamonds, my man.

I've done that in the past Roy.... and my practical (very practical) wife, who was raised in a Quaker household, gave me the dickens for spending the money.

I also upgraded the diamond in her diamond ring about 4 years ago when I had to take it in and get the setting fixed. Never heard the end of that one either.

I have decided that I am simply going to tell her that since she broke the "rule" and went out and bought me something, she has to give me some suggestions as to what to buy her or else I'll just wing it and she can take it back the next day.

[SunDeck]

Two Words:
Blue Box.

[beb30]

Coach Purse (or something of the like), Vera Wang Princess Perfume (#1 selling perfume)

[vaticanplum]

Insurance.

[oneupper]

I have a hard time with gifts for my wife not because I lack ideas, but because I'm constantly buying her stuff and sometimes don't have something when the ocasion comes up.

That said, you might try giving her something useful that isn't necesarily to wear. Something for HER car (not a tool, but maybe a better deck or something). A Digital Camera (its not the family's its HERS), an ipod, something for her gym sessions (if she goes to a gym). Something that goes to her way of life or routine and makes it easier.

I got more mileage out of an ipod + accessiories than I did out of diamond earrings.

Just a different point of view.