Ladies will be flocking to this guy's singles ad

[Unassisted]

The Kansas City guy who posted this singles ad on Craigslist probably has a stack of email offers to choose from.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best...95322346.html?

[NorrisHopper30]

Ahahaha, that's great.

[WMR]

I thought JMCclain19 was married??????

[Heath]

Originally Posted by WilyMoROCKS

I thought JMCclain19 was married??????

no, no. no that was from a catalog.

[HumnHilghtFreel]

I have the body of a wandering Norwegian brawler and short brown hair.

Haha that part kills me.

[Ltlabner]

I partake in only adventure/fantasy role play, no creepy goth stuff, it’s too weird.

[GoReds33]

I love how he goes through all this weird stuff, and then all the sudden:

Also I'm allergic to cats.

I guess that's the killer right there.

[KronoRed]

Hot.

[jmcclain19]

Originally Posted by WilyMoROCKS

I thought JMCclain19 was married??????

They forgot to include the picture of me with my cape on. Gotta have the cape.

[camisadelgolf]

Here's another good one:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/471580402.html

It's me! Every girl ever.
Date: 2007-11-07, 10:38AM EST


Knock knock

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I ****ing love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all *****es.

Let's go back into the hallway!

Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!

[Ltlabner]

Originally Posted by camisadelgolf

Here's another good one:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/471580402.html

Beautiful. It paints a picture so vividly I can almost remember being there.

[Snowmanlikeme]

this is hilarious. i would love to see his true match.

[GAC]

I laughed hysterically when I read this line....

I partake in only adventure/fantasy role play, no creepy goth stuff, it’s too weird.

Can you see taking him home to meet the parents?

"Mom and Dad? This is Gandalf."

[reds2221]

that, was simply amazing...

[Unassisted]

Maybe someone should hook the guy up with the person who posted this ad?