|03-12-2008, 02:33 PM||#1|
I hate the Cubs
Join Date: Jul 2003
I get those stupid advertisements all the time trying to get me to buy books and website subscriptions telling me about home remedies. Do any of them really work? I got a list forwarded to me that I thought was funny and I thought I would share.
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting the toilet seat by using the shower.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE A SLINKY. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Whenever you get mad over a called strike or ball on a close pitch, it's the equivalent of being mad at the QB pump-faking one time before throwing a pass in your average NFL game. ---Caveat Emperor
|03-15-2008, 06:22 AM||#2|
THAT'S A FACT JACK!!
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Bellefontaine, Ohio
Re: Home Remedies
Where did you get a copy of my Gospel?
If you're standing in a puddle, don't touch anything that hums.
Where there's smoke, there's fire; where there's fire, there's Dad!
Stop, Drop, and Roll!
When it comes to home repair - All it takes is a little imagination, some mechanical ability, and neighbors who mind their own business.
Tools are designed for universal usage. Don't limit yourself, but broaden your horizons.
"panic" only comes from having real expectations