The Wisdom Of Larry The Cable Guy

[GAC]

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the
heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos.
What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

[GAC]

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. 'Not a chance' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!' He slams the door and returns to bed. 'Who was that?' asked his wife. 'Just some drunk guy asking for a push' he answers. 'Did you help him?' she asks. 'No, I did not. It is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!' 'Well, you have a short memory,' says the wife. 'Cant you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself!' The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?' 'Yes' comes back the answer. 'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband. 'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark. 'Where are you?' asks the husband. 'Over here on the swing' replied the drunk

[KittyDuran]

Thanks... I needed a laugh this morning!

[Spring~Fields]

Hm, so what is the speed of dark ?

[guttle11]

Originally Posted by Spring~Fields

Hm, so what is the speed of dark ?

The same as light?