Favorite Michigan Football joke

[Sean_CaseyRules]

This one is good, but there are awesome ones out there.


Q: Why do University of Michigan fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Feel free to add your own

[pedro]

John Cooper :p:

[pedro]

Q: How do you get an Ohio State Alumnus off your front porch?

A: pay for your pizza.

[Red Leader]

In a freak accident involving the Buckeyes mascot, a video camera and a tube of KY Jelly, Jim Tressell died, and went to heaven. When he arrived, St. Peter was waiting for him. He began to show him around the neighborhood, and eventually reached his dwelling. It was a nice log cabin with an OSU flag out front. They continued walking and eventually reached a huge 3 story mansion with tons of U of M decor in the yard and on the house. Tressell gets angry, and looks over at St. Peter.

"Why does Lloyd Carr get a mansion, while I’m stuck in a log cabin? Sure it’s nice, but he gets this? The guy can’t even lead his team to a bowl game victory for Christ sake!" Tressell yells.

St. Peter replies, "Jim, that’s not Lloyd Carr’s house, that’s God’s."

[Red Leader]

Hang on to any of the new State of Ohio quarters. If you have them, they may be a collector’s item due it’s unique design. The U.S. Treasury Announced today that it is recalling all the Ohio quarters produced at OSU. Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday..."This action is being taken after numerous reports that new Ohio quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones or other coin-operated devices." Shackleford continued on .. "The problem lies in the design of the Ohio quarter, created by a top-notched Ohio State University graduate student. Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices.

[Red Leader]

Why do birds fly upside-down over Columbus?
Cause it ain’t worth a crap

[Red Leader]

A Buckeye and Spartan fan were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing over what kind of tracks they were.

The Buckeye fan said, "I think they’re deer tracks!"

The Spartan fan said, "I think they’re dog tracks!"

They were still arguing when the train hit them

[Red Leader]

Q: How many pallbearers would be needed for a OSU alumni funeral?

A: Two. A garbage can only has two handles.

[OldRightHander]

The UM library burned down the other day. All 13 books were destroyed and 10 of them hadn't even been colored in yet.

[redsfan30]

What are the best 3 years of a Michigan football player's life?

His freshman year.

[Sean_CaseyRules]

Well ummm....sorry that i wasn't specific but, this thread was ment to be for OSU fans, lol, but, they are still good jokes cause you can put michigan to replace OSU in any of them

[pedro]

Well ummm....sorry that i wasn't specific but, this thread was ment to be for OSU fans, lol, but, they are still good jokes cause you can put michigan to replace OSU in any of them


exactly. or Georgia/ Georgia tech etc etc.

I may use a few of them on the Oregon fans out here just to rib them.

[OldRightHander]

Well ummm....sorry that i wasn't specific but, this thread was ment to be for OSU fans, lol, but, they are still good jokes cause you can put michigan to replace OSU in any of them

I say let both sides fire away. All in good fun.
:)

[Sean_CaseyRules]

I say let both sides fire away. All in good fun.
:)


I should've been thinking that way in the first place. :beerme: :beerme:

[RedFanAlways1966]

OSU potty training....

[Sean_CaseyRules]

well here is a "few" more, lol,

Q: What's the difference between a University of Michigan fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: How many University of Michigan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the University of Michigan campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Michigan weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: Why don't University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.

A University of Michigan fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: Did you hear about the University of Michigan fan who locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn't get his family out.


Two University of Michigan fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do. The first University of Michigan fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it." The first University of Michigan fan asks, "Why not?" The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Michigan's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: Do you know why the University of Michigan football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Michigan campus?
A: The officials had to check ID's before letting anyone back on board.

Q: What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a University of Michigan?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Michigan fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war." The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish." "Well," the General responds, "then can you have University of Michigan win a bowl game this year?" After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: How do you make University of Michigan cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Michigan fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Q: How many University of Michigan freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course

[RedFanAlways1966]

http://www.scottkropko.com/michigan_still_sucks.htm

[Caseyfan21]

What's the difference between the unibomber and Charles Woodson?

The unibomber actually graduated from Michigan

[RollyInRaleigh]

What do you call a good looking woman on the arm of a man from Michigan?

A tattoo.

[GAC]

What do you call a good looking woman on the arm of a man from Michigan?

A tattoo.

:lol:


Why do all the trees in Ohio lean towards Michigan? Michigan Sucks!

You might be a Michigander!....

If you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder

If a Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer

If you have more fishing poles than teeth

If your wife's Lady Remington is a 30.30

If you point at the palm of your right hand when telling people where you grew up

If a Big Mac is something you can drive across

If you drive 80 mph on the highway and pass on the right

If your favorite hockey team's mascot is an octopus

If Fudge and Bicycles remind you of your honeymoon

If You know all the words to Gordon Lightfoot's classic ballad, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

If nothing weighs more than you do

If you consider a rusty pickup a "turn-on"

If your idea of creative landscaping is putting an extra pair of pink flamingos next to your blue spruce

If you went to school with more than one NBA basketball player

If you know the dollar value of a grocery bag filled with empty pop cans

[Sean_CaseyRules]

If you know the dollar value of a grocery bag filled with empty pop cans

Thats a great one, lol

[Caveat Emperor]

After today, I think the biggest joke of all was Michigan's 4th quarter defense.

[SunDeck]

Q: Why do the trees in Indiana and Ohio lean north?

A: Michigan sucks.

[paintmered]

John Cooper :p:

Lloyd Carr :p: