jredmo2
05-11-2006, 05:10 AM
If Griffey ever recovers from his career-threatening struggle with old man's knee, the Reds will have an old fashioned lineup crunch. Though my dad says that his old man's knee has magical powers to predict rain, I think Griffey helps the Reds better by playing baseball than being in charge of when to put the tarp over the field. So since none of you lazy bums have apparently even thought about what will happen when Griffey comes back, I will be the first and only to do so.
I'd like to point out that no matter what, our leadoff hitter cannot be Tony Womack. He is no longer on the team, which I discovered after a rigorous amount of research since nobody on this board seemed to notice, much less celebrate, his departure. But you're probably asking, "jredmo2, how can the loss of Tony Womack be a good thing? The man played for the Yankees!!! The YANKEES. They are on ESPN!!!! a lot!!!!" Well, after I did seven regression analysises, I too was shocked to learn that Tony Womack is not very good at all, and probably won't even get into the Hall of Fame.
Since Griffey and Adam Dunn are both excellent at their positions, switching one of them to 1st base is of course ridiculous, and we are left with the following leadoff possibilities.
-Ryan Freel
We have had plenty of opportunities to notice that Freel is small and fast and gets drunk a lot. Everybody knows that being drunk makes you better at just about everything, and one day Freel put two and two together and realized that if being drunk made him drive his car better and be in public better, then it probably would make him play baseball better!! However, with his huge tolerance some days Ryan Freel can't get as drunk as he needs to be, and thus is not a reliable everyday player. On those days he is better off doing things like smoking cigarettes and trying to remember where he parked his car.
-Felipe Lopez
Lopez is fast and is good at stealing bases, but maybe a little too good. I personally do not trust a guy that steals so much. I even heard a rumor that one time he stole Bronson Arroyo's favorite Creed CD that used to help him get "jacked up" before games, and that is just plain unacceptable. Scott Stapp is a talented and captivating performer.
-Brandon Phillips
Phillips is very fast but he is a notorious free-swinger, and as the delightful George Grande will tell you, darn it, baseball is a family game. Now I'm fine having him hitting around the 7 or 8 spot, but do we really want the first guy people see at-bat free-swinging all over the place?? I think not. Call me old-fashioned but I think a man should only be swinging at strikes, brother... maybe that sort of thing flies in L.A., but not here.
-Rich Aurilia
Rich has been doing good, but keep in mind that he recently shaved off his goatee, making him less goat-like. And that can never be good.
as you can see, the situation is hopeless.
I'd like to point out that no matter what, our leadoff hitter cannot be Tony Womack. He is no longer on the team, which I discovered after a rigorous amount of research since nobody on this board seemed to notice, much less celebrate, his departure. But you're probably asking, "jredmo2, how can the loss of Tony Womack be a good thing? The man played for the Yankees!!! The YANKEES. They are on ESPN!!!! a lot!!!!" Well, after I did seven regression analysises, I too was shocked to learn that Tony Womack is not very good at all, and probably won't even get into the Hall of Fame.
Since Griffey and Adam Dunn are both excellent at their positions, switching one of them to 1st base is of course ridiculous, and we are left with the following leadoff possibilities.
-Ryan Freel
We have had plenty of opportunities to notice that Freel is small and fast and gets drunk a lot. Everybody knows that being drunk makes you better at just about everything, and one day Freel put two and two together and realized that if being drunk made him drive his car better and be in public better, then it probably would make him play baseball better!! However, with his huge tolerance some days Ryan Freel can't get as drunk as he needs to be, and thus is not a reliable everyday player. On those days he is better off doing things like smoking cigarettes and trying to remember where he parked his car.
-Felipe Lopez
Lopez is fast and is good at stealing bases, but maybe a little too good. I personally do not trust a guy that steals so much. I even heard a rumor that one time he stole Bronson Arroyo's favorite Creed CD that used to help him get "jacked up" before games, and that is just plain unacceptable. Scott Stapp is a talented and captivating performer.
-Brandon Phillips
Phillips is very fast but he is a notorious free-swinger, and as the delightful George Grande will tell you, darn it, baseball is a family game. Now I'm fine having him hitting around the 7 or 8 spot, but do we really want the first guy people see at-bat free-swinging all over the place?? I think not. Call me old-fashioned but I think a man should only be swinging at strikes, brother... maybe that sort of thing flies in L.A., but not here.
-Rich Aurilia
Rich has been doing good, but keep in mind that he recently shaved off his goatee, making him less goat-like. And that can never be good.
as you can see, the situation is hopeless.