Have you ever seen The Boondock Saints? (if you havent i would highly reccomend it) Or Would u consider that a hard R movie is something like full metal jacket?
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Have you ever seen The Boondock Saints? (if you havent i would highly reccomend it) Or Would u consider that a hard R movie is something like full metal jacket?
Excellent post Roy. We seem to be in the same situation. My son, now that he is 17, seems to feel that he should be able to make those decisions. I try to give him as much freedom and liberty that I feel is appropriate for his age/level of maturity (as compared to his siblings who are younger). But as a parent I still let him know that I hold the final say, and that my decisions are not trying to be totalitarian, but thinking also of his best interests.Quote:
Originally Posted by Roy Tucker
As far as GTA... I'm with you. It's totally inappropriate for a minor. He has school friends who have the game(s). So there is a form of pressure being put on him by his peers who love to play it and wonder why he is not.
I told him how I feel about it and that it's not allowed. He has an IBM laptop that was provided by the school. I found a GTA simulator on there, and various other GTA sites. I told him to take it off immediately because he violated that trust that we had concerning those type of games. We had sat down and talked about this particular game, and in other areas such as Halo (and maybe Doom) we reached a compromise. But he went ahead and violated that trust/agreement. And if he didn't, then I'd turn him into the school which forbids the computer for that use. I've stood firm.
I'm sure he's calling me names behind my back, and thinking I'm being unfair. But hey! I did the same with my parents when I was a teenager. :lol:
Another problem it is creating is that my 9 yr old son, who idolizes his older brother, sees him now playing those games and wants to play them too. So now I have to sit him down and try to explain the situation to him.
My wife would rather take all video games and computers out in the backyard and have a huge bonfire! She's fed up with them. :lol:
Do you think that your boy doesn't play GTA at his friend's houses?
Doom 3, btw, IMO is totally harmless. But then again, I think all video games are.
thats not the only thing hes probably doing, im sure hes looked at dirty pictures or what not before as well i know i did when i was younger.....
Actually no. My son goes to JVS where kids are shipped in from all the various surrounding school districts. And the couple friends that he shares his video gaming interests with live pretty far away, so he has never gone over to their homes. And he doesn't have his drivers license yet. He has had friends come over to the house to play games and do other stuff; but in my house I have the advantage of parental control. And the boys that do come over KNOW what games are not allowed. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by WilyMoROCKS
But even if he were, I have no problem, as a parent, getting to know the parents of these kids and letting them know of my feelings concerning this game and others I find objectionable. And if they told me that they had no prblem with the kids playing those games (including my son), and wouldn't prevent it, then he wouldn't be going over there. Because if they didn't care about that, then what other behavior would they not find objectionable for teenagers? How they raise their kids is their business. How I raise mine is mine.
Your point is well-taken.Quote:
Originally Posted by GAC
Tacit in the bolded portion of your statement is that the majority of parents would have a problem with a 17-year-old playing a video game and that if they don't then their parenting method is flawed in some way. I think you are the exception more than the rule here.
I assume that "JVS" is some sort of private school? It seems like your boy is a mature, intelligent young man; almost a legal adult. Do you ever worry that trying to exhibit such control over everything that he is allowed to see and experience might end up causing him to gravitate even more towards those experiences when he does in fact achieve a modicum of freedom?
As an RA in college, by-and-large, from my observations the kids who partied the hardest their first year were the kids who were raised in the strictest, most puritan households.
They had been raised in such regimented conditions, without ever being given much latitude in their decisions, they now struggled to effectively filter out what they should be doing as opposed to what they should not.
Your boy obviously wants to play this video game; he even went so far as to download emulation software for it to his laptop. Do you expect him to continue to live by every rule and regulation that you have imposed upon him when he is put into a position to make such decisions for himself (a scenario that, if it has not occurred already, is rapidly approaching)?
You've gotta be a parent to your kid and, obviously, a big part of that is controlling what he/she sees and experiences while under your household. I just think that taking that too far can ultimately be to you, your child, and your family's detriment.
This one boy that my son hangs around with at school, who loves GTA, I have huge apprehensions about. Not simply because of this particular video game, but also other behavior that I have witnessed from him over the last couple of years. He's into some really wild and heavy video games that any parent would find very objectionable and not tolerate. I know this because my son tells me of some of stuff he plays (and my son finds it objectionable, so I give him credit). But I say to myself... "How can any involved parent allow their child to play this stuff?"Quote:
Originally Posted by WilyMoROCKS
No. It's a Joint Vocational School, which is an elective for high schoolers once they enter the 11th grade. It supports several of the public school districts in the surrounding counties. It's where your teen can go to get specialized training in numerous areas that will help them on their career path and prepare (give them a head start) for college. My son is in the computer programming field. Once he gradautes next year he can be Microsoft certified. From there he wants to go to Devry. My daughter, when she reaches the 11th grade, wants to enter their Nursing program. They also have adult college level classes, out of OSU, during the evening.Quote:
I assume that "JVS" is some sort of private school?
He demonstrates maturity in some areas, and a lack of maturity in others. He is a typical teenager. :lol:Quote:
It seems like your boy is a mature, intelligent young man; almost a legal adult. Do you ever worry that trying to exhibit such control over everything that he is allowed to see and experience might end up causing him to gravitate even more towards those experiences when he does in fact achieve a modicum of freedom?
I understand where you are coming from, and when I was a teen I expressed the same thoughts concerning my parent's "watchfulness". And maybe I'm wrong, but I think it's harder being a parent today, due to what a child can be exposed to, as compared to 35 years ago. And it may be even harder once my kids reach adulthood and have kids.
We are not over-protective, nor try to hover over our kid's every move. And I realize there is that "fine line", once your child reaches teen age, where you have to allow/promote greater freedom and decision making. Because believe me - I want them out of the nest when it's time! ;)
But as a parent, I still feel a responsibility to be involved in that decision making process. Not making the decision mind you, but simply providing parental guidance and input. And there are times it is needed that you allow a child to "fall down" or make a mistake. You have to stand back and allow that, see how they react, and hope they learn and grow from it.
But then I also am not gonna stand back, or take a hands off approach, and allow them to walk into a mistake that could be devastating, when I could help them avoid it.
And that is probably true. My job, while they are still in the home, is to give/provide them with some sort of moral bearing/guidance that will help them "survive" that particular time in their youth, and make good decisions. And even when they do make a wrong one, they know how to recover and move on. Every young adult is gonna most likely go through that phase. I think those type of kids will have a greater chance of success then those who didn't recieve it while in the home, or were given all types of leeway or had very little parental guidance/involvement.Quote:
As an RA in college, by-and-large, from my observations the kids who partied the hardest their first year were the kids who were raised in the strictest, most puritan households.
It's simply fun being a parent. I didn't then; but I now understand alot more what my parents were saying and had to go through. Growing older, becoming an elder, does teach you something. And if one is fortunate, it will give you the "tools" to prepare you to help the young. ;)
I, and my wife, are not afraid one bit to use the mistakes we made in our youth to help our kids. We laid alot of them bare before them. They can be valuable teaching tools.
Very interesting; thanks for participating in this dialogue.
Great post GAC. Good comments WilyMo.
Being a parent is a challenge. And it's a continuum that starts at birth and just continues. Just when you think you have good handle on a certain stage of their life, they grow up more. And more. And what worked for them yesterday doesn't work for them tomorrow. So you think on the run and do a tap dance and try something else.
Like what's been said, you try to strike a balance in your child's life. Keep too tight of controls on them, they go berserk at the first sign of freedom. Let things go too loose, they stray down paths they shouldn't travel. You can't control every movement and every decison they make. You try to instill the character, the way of thinking, the moral center that they'll need to deal with life's challenges. And you hope that when those challenges occur, they'll remember all those talks and discussions and lessons and the thinking behind them. And to tell you the truth, you pray they do. It's a big ole world out there and there are no guaratees. Probably why the hairs I have are gray.
I said this before and I'll say it again. Society forces children to grow up entirely too fast. People take 6 yr. olds to PG-13 movies. People let 10 yr olds play M games. We have striven to keep to *age-appropriate* activities for our kids. When they get to 13, we let them do 13 yr. old stuff. When they get to teenage years, we let them do teen things. We really try to not expose them to things they are not properly prepared for. My son is 17 and right now, he is on a band trip down in Florida. The trip cost $800 and he saved up the money for it unlike 95% of the kids on the trip. We probably wouldn't have let hm go on the trip a couple years ago. But I've got all the faith in the world in him to handle whatever comes along (and I told him that).
You try to install a moral center to their life. Academics, athletics, religion, friends, family, intelligence, humor, sensitivity, just the whole package. And just because somebody else let's their kid do it, just because "they'll do it anyhow", doesn't mean you throw your hands up and let it go on in your home and in their lives. You give them the character, the backbone to stand up and say "nah, don't think so".
Sure they'll try some things. I know there are places they'll go, people they'll meet where some experimentation happens. I figure at some kids' house they'll sneak in a copy of GTA or they'll take a look at some porn site. It happens.
But you do eveything you can to be involved in their lives, know what's going on, know who their friends are, where they go, the parents of the kids they hang with, guide them into activities that teach them the values you want them to have, and be a *parent* to them.
Exactly Roy.
And teenage girls are the hardest to raise/control....and give one more grey hairs then anything else. And to top that, my 14 yr old daughter has my genes through and through. And that is not necessarily a good thing because I was one honery kid. ;)
It's like a Twilight episode, where I'm forced to raise myself. :lol:
Funny. My 15 yr. old daughter is the same way. She has all my genes. Smart as a whip and ornery as all get out. She's get my sarcastic and crappy sense of humor, taste in music, and overall sardonic demeanor.
I really hate it when I see my bad qualities in my kids. I see my good ones too, but when I see the bad ones, I just say "damn".
My 12 yr. old is a straight arrow. She has rules and boundaries and leads a black and white life. Works for her.
Isn't it amazing how kids in the same household turn out/behave so different? I've seen kids in the strictest of households go wild, while the kids in the same household hold on to those rules. We've all seen kids in really tough households turn out O.K., and sort of learn from the mistakes they've seen around them.
For the record, I already know that I'd forbid many of the games being discussed. I'm mortified that my nephew is allowed to play some of these games. I'm mortified by a lot of TV shows that kids watch today. I'd be an overprotective parent who's kid would do stupid things his first year in college. :)
Exactly. My brother and I are both in our mid 40's. I was the "respnsible" one. I didn't drink till I was 18, smoked dope rarely, only did a few pills- all 25 years ago (well, except for beer :beerme: ). My brother, 2 years younger, pulled all nighters when he was 15, got drunk before school in the morning, and now lives the "outlaw" biker lifestyle. A girl told me once he looked like he would kill someone for money. He isn't in a club (I don't think) but some of his friends are. One spent (so I hear) 2 years in solitary during a 5 year sentence- he is a "retired" member of the Outlaws club- he was some kind of enforcer. Yet he is still a good guy basically. I worry someday he will suffer consequences due to his fringe involvement with certain people- but you can see the basic core values my parents taught in him and me- a boring responsible family guy.Quote:
Originally Posted by TeamCasey
I love it when people say that when they have kids they are gonna do this or that, or raise their kids differently then how their parents did. Then they have kids.... and reality sets in. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by TeamCasey
It's only natural for parents to be over-protective. Even as parents, they to are learning. Parenting is not just for the child's profit or benefit, but also for those parents. One can read all the parenting books they want, and even take advice from the parenting "experts". Knowledge is great.... but the experience is the best teacher.
I now know where grey hair and wrinkles really come from. ;)