When life unravels all at once.

[Wonderful Monds]

So where is Wonderful Monds anyway?

I'm here checking in, things ended up getting worse in the past couple days and I ended up in the hospital for a night.

I talked to my ex for the first time in the past month and a half, she actually broke up with her ex-reboyfriend. But she decided to start seeing someone else, and I expected us to reunite when that didn't work out (mostly because that's what she said she would do.) She also made some major life changes and decisions over the course of the week. And it turns out she has borderline personality, she told me.

So I'm still here, sorry I haven't thanked everyone who responded, I may be in and out depending on treatment, I'm at rock bottom right now.

[Raisor]

Glad you're getting help.

I was under daily care for two months back in 09 and twice a week after that for another two years. It gets better.

I haven't seriously thought about hurting myself since 2011. I'm completely off all my meds. Like I said, it gets better.

Think about getting a pet. Taking care of something that needs you and loves you unconditionally helps.

[Ravenlord]

Think about getting a pet. Taking care of something that needs you and loves you unconditionally helps.

Raisor's right. before my wife and I got serious I was drinking around 3 liters of rum a day. depression and boredom fueled my need, so I started raising rabbits and jumped from 3 containers of pepper plants to a 400 square foot garden. removed most of my excessive drinking real fast, and then having kids ended the rest of it (no boredom). now I have a rabbitry that generates about 1/3 of my income, and nearly 2,000 square feet of garden spread between my home and my in-laws (that I maintain at about a 14th century tech rate). this year I've started into raising chickens for eggs. my third favorite thing in the world now is to sit on the small hill just off my property and watch my chickens be chickens for the last two hours before the sun goes down and I coop them. life's good, it didn't used to be.

I still deal with depression from time-to-time (I think I'm an undiagnosed cyclothymic bipolar), but having responsibilities I care about instead of just expected/required ones has saved my life.

help is a good, good thing. if you have a doctor you feel comfortable with, it makes something exceedingly difficult a noticeable bit easier.

[Rojo]

n/m

[wolfboy]

I'm here checking in, things ended up getting worse in the past couple days and I ended up in the hospital for a night.

I talked to my ex for the first time in the past month and a half, she actually broke up with her ex-reboyfriend. But she decided to start seeing someone else, and I expected us to reunite when that didn't work out (mostly because that's what she said she would do.) She also made some major life changes and decisions over the course of the week. And it turns out she has borderline personality, she told me.

So I'm still here, sorry I haven't thanked everyone who responded, I may be in and out depending on treatment, I'm at rock bottom right now.

I'm sorry to hear about more bad news. But thank you for checking in with us. I was worried about you. And I'll continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. My earlier offer stands: if you need someone to gripe to; if you need someone to pick up lunch; or even if you need someone to just sit next to you in silence, I'm here for you.

[vaticanplum]

Good to hear from you, WM, and continued good thoughts to you. This is horrible but it's great to hear that you're in treatment and seem very mindful of making yourself better. You come across as such a bright spirit on this board -- I think that is very much in you and will fight to stay.

Keep checking in when you can, we are here for you.

[jojo]

I'm here checking in, things ended up getting worse in the past couple days and I ended up in the hospital for a night.

I talked to my ex for the first time in the past month and a half, she actually broke up with her ex-reboyfriend. But she decided to start seeing someone else, and I expected us to reunite when that didn't work out (mostly because that's what she said she would do.) She also made some major life changes and decisions over the course of the week. And it turns out she has borderline personality, she told me.

So I'm still here, sorry I haven't thanked everyone who responded, I may be in and out depending on treatment, I'm at rock bottom right now.

The strength, maturity and character that you are showing are both inspirational and laudable.

[SeeinRed]

Maybe school isn't for you. Maybe you're suited to making things, building things. Our culture sends so many signals to people that are virtually impossible to ignore, and we stake so much on meeting standards that we never set for ourselves.

This right here is something I have struggled with for a long time. Society, parents, significant others, and even friends sometimes set standards for how one should live his or her life. The thought that everyone should go to college and is a failure if they don't is prevalent in today's society.

Going to college, especially right out of high school is not for everyone. A lot of people drop out because they are chasing a dream that wasn't theirs in the first place. I dropped out and went back multiple times with what I thought was a genuine desire to do get a degree and graduate college. The fact of the matter is that I had started going through the motions about my freshman year of high school and never really had a desire to get a degree when I got out. At the time I had no idea that what I actually had was depression. I thought I was just lazy and unmotivated. That no matter what I did, I would be stuck in a cycle of trying to succeed, only to feel completely trapped by the inevitability of failure. I didn't realize that my failures were caused by a conflict in what I thought my desires were, and what my actual desires are.

Truth be told, I still have a difficult time distinguishing my goals from what others want. There is still that little voice telling me that I have failed by not graduating college, though I have put a lot of time and money into it. I don't know that you ever truly get rid of that. These standards are driven so hard by society, that I will always have to deal with them. Not only on the college front, but also being 28 and not being married or having the desire to be married right now, or having no intrest in having kids myself. Those are things society, my Mom, my friends and my (long time) girlfriend are pushing me on. There is nothing wrong with not following the "norm" that others push. Everyone is different, and everyone should have different goals and standards that meet their needs and desires.

Sorry, didn't mean to go on about myself. I could also go on about what a sham the secondary education system is, but I'll spare everyone. My point is that success is not something that is the same for everyone. I consider myself successful now because I have a good job that pays me well and I am very good at, I have a couple very close friends who I can depend on and they can depend on me, and I consider myself a good person. It took me a very long time, some medication, and some help to realize that. Would college have put me in a better place career wise? Most likely. I still don't regret not finishing. I may finish one day, but only when I am ready and want to.

Another thing that has always bugged me when people talk about depression is how they "fought" depression for x amount of years. My personal experience says otherwise. The fact of the matter is that it was never a fight. A struggle, yes, but not a fight. If it was indeed a fight, it was the most one-sided fight I have ever been a part of because depression won 100% of the time until I got help. That only came at the insistence of my girlfriend. Insistence probably isn't the right word as she made the appointment, went in with me and told the doctor she better do something. I'm glad she did, but I wasn't a willing participant fighting back against depression. The fight began afterward and is still going today, which is to keep that depression away. That again has a point that I made in a rather long winded fashion. Just because people tell you that it is a fight, doesn't mean something is wrong with you if you don't feel that way. Its not a lost cause. You will find a way out of it, but you have to get help to do so.

I felt isolated as well, but I promise there are people who want to help. I didn't think so, but you find out later that there are. I was embarrassed to admit to my friends and family what I was going through at the time, but everyone who found out already knew I was depressed. Mental health issues have a stigma about them from years of misunderstanding and an belief that they were failings on the part of the individual with them to just suck it up and keep going. That thought is completely incorrect and nobody should be embarrassed to struggle with one. The sooner the stigma goes away, and it will, the better everyone else will be. Its sad and scary to think of all the people who didn't seek help out of embarrassment or the thought that they have failed.

WM, I wish you the best and offer a metaphoric hand to do whatever I can to help out. That goes for anyone here. If there is anything that I can ever do (within reason of course) to help a fellow poster through depression, I would have no hesitation to help. I have a feeling many others feel the same way on here as well. You are not alone and everyone here wants to see you get through this. I hope someone reads one of these posts and gets the help they need. Nobody deserves to feel alone and face depression on their own.

[Rojo]

Another thing that has always bugged me when people talk about depression is how they "fought" depression for x amount of years. My personal experience says otherwise. The fact of the matter is that it was never a fight. A struggle, yes, but not a fight.

I've recently dabbled in some meditation and Buddhism. One misapprehension about Buddhism that I had, and lot of people have, is that it's not about not having negative thoughts, worries, etc...just sitting there like a potted plant. But that's not it, it's about letting negative thoughts, worries, self-criticism etc...come and go, not letting them attach to you. If I have a thought "Rojo, you're an idiot" I reaize it's just a thought (like, that's just your opinon, man) and let it go. But don't chastise yourself for having that thought. We all do.

[Falls City Beer]

One other thing. Life isn't about happiness. I don't know what it is about, but it isn't happiness. Please don't buy that bill of goods. Nothing is more destructive to self than a belief that it is.

[Kingspoint]

One other thing. Life isn't about happiness. I don't know what it is about, but it isn't happiness.

John Bernard Books: I won't be wronged. I won't be insulted. I won't be laid a-hand on. I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them.

[Wonderful Monds]

So my therapist has told me I need to "raise my level of care" because my current psychiatric team can't do enough to help me, so they released me. My insurance doesn't cover what they say I need to do.

I'm a psychology student and I knew this existed, but I never thought I'd personally face our country's mental health crisis firsthand.

There's nothing really left for me to do.

[Larkin Fan]

So my therapist has told me I need to "raise my level of care" because my current psychiatric team can't do enough to help me, so they released me. My insurance doesn't cover what they say I need to do.

I'm a psychology student and I knew this existed, but I never thought I'd personally face our country's mental health crisis firsthand.

There's nothing really left for me to do.

There's always something left for you to do. Keep telling yourself that.

Yes, there is a crisis when it comes to mental health in the United States. But there are financial programs that are designed to help people that are in the exact same situation that you are in, even if you already have insurance. Obviously, I don't know your exact financial situation, but I think it is extremely important that you request the facility that you've been dealing with to put you in contact with a caseworker that can help you navigate the system and find a way to get you the treatment that you need. Don't give up. Keep fighting.

[Wonderful Monds]

There's always something left for you to do. Keep telling yourself that.

Yes, there is a crisis when it comes to mental health in the United States. But there are financial programs that are designed to help people that are in the exact same situation that you are in, even if you already have insurance. Obviously, I don't know your exact financial situation, but I think it is extremely important that you request the facility that you've been dealing with to put you in contact with a caseworker that can help you navigate the system and find a way to get you the treatment that you need. Don't give up. Keep fighting.

I asked about financial aid or similar type programs and was told I don't qualify. :/

[cincrazy]

The bottom is a terrible place. But never quit searching for a way up. You'll find it.

I've always been in love with baseball. It always rescued me from any life problems that were going on. I waited my whole life for a Reds playoff berth, and when it happened in 2010, I couldn't even enjoy it. I was so depressed I didn't want to get out of bed most days and couldn't find joy in much. That's when I KNEW I needed help.

I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles, but I can tell you from personal experience (as many on here can) that the sun rises on the darkest of days eventually.