The Divorce Thread

[RedTeamGo!]

I know some on here have gone through divorce.

I have recently been thinking about it. Not sure if you can refer to my marriage as a marriage anymore. Not going to go into specifics.

I am mostly curious about the logistics of the whole thing. How does it work? Is it as terrible of a process as I am imagining? What is the first step? How much should I expect this to cost me?

Thanks

[bounty37h]

I know some on here have gone through divorce.

I have recently been thinking about it. Not sure if you can refer to my marriage as a marriage anymore. Not going to go into specifics.

I am mostly curious about the logistics of the whole thing. How does it work? Is it as terrible of a process as I am imagining? What is the first step? How much should I expect this to cost me?
Thanks

Havnt gone through it personally, but from my friends that have gone through it I would have to say almost everything . Good luck.

[Sea Ray]

I know some on here have gone through divorce.

I have recently been thinking about it. Not sure if you can refer to my marriage as a marriage anymore. Not going to go into specifics.

I am mostly curious about the logistics of the whole thing. How does it work? Is it as terrible of a process as I am imagining? What is the first step? How much should I expect this to cost me?

Thanks

So the baby didn't lead to happiness for your wife?

I've been through it but no kids involved.

[RedTeamGo!]

So the baby didn't lead to happiness for your wife?

I've been through it but no kids involved.

She is stressed about everything and redirects everything at me. I can do nothing right, basically. Just not a happy marriage whatsoever. I don't see it getting better.

[Sea Ray]

She is stressed about everything and redirects everything at me. I can do nothing right, basically. Just not a happy marriage whatsoever. I don't see it getting better.

Yeah, not good.

[Beltway]

She is stressed about everything and redirects everything at me. I can do nothing right, basically. Just not a happy marriage whatsoever. I don't see it getting better.

That's terrible. I'm sorry to hear it.

It sounds like psychological therapy could help. Cognitive behavioral therapy could probably do wonders for her (for everyone), but she has to want it.

[Wonderful Monds]

She is stressed about everything and redirects everything at me. I can do nothing right, basically. Just not a happy marriage whatsoever. I don't see it getting better.

I don't want to pry publicly and you can PM me if you want, but does she have any history of depression/anxiety etc.? Possibly even that you might not be aware of yet?

Either way sorry to hear it man.

[RedTeamGo!]

I don't want to pry publicly and you can PM me if you want, but does she have any history of depression/anxiety etc.? Possibly even that you might not be aware of yet?

Either way sorry to hear it man.

I think she has anxiety issues but it's never been diagnosed. She has been afraid of everything ever since we got pregnant and even moreso once the little dude was born. I understand anxiety with a first child and whatnot, but I don't deserve to be treated the way I am being treated.

[Wonderful Monds]

I think she has anxiety issues but it's never been diagnosed. She has been afraid of everything ever since we got pregnant and even moreso once the little dude was born. I understand anxiety with a first child and whatnot, but I don't deserve to be treated the way I am being treated.

Yeah, I would definitely see if you can't sit down with her and have a conversation and just broach the subject gently...maybe propose you both go to individual counseling to work on things for the both of you? Even if you don't think you need it, the offer to go yourself as well can help steer that conversation away from a direction that can be taken as "accusatory", even if someone needs it, getting asked to look into therapy can be taken as an insult (unfortunately)

[Dom Heffner]

I think she has anxiety issues but it's never been diagnosed. She has been afraid of everything ever since we got pregnant and even moreso once the little dude was born. I understand anxiety with a first child and whatnot, but I don't deserve to be treated the way I am being treated.

The best time to see a lawyer is now. I would go and see what you can legally do and not do to protect yourself.

Go stealth.

And I feel incredibly sorry for what you are going through. So sad.

I had a girl quit on me once. We weren't married but she basically quit. It stinks.

If she isn't the person you married or the situation is that awful, I would say your mourning period should be minimal.

You won't be missing any of this, believe me.

[Roy Tucker]

She is stressed about everything and redirects everything at me. I can do nothing right, basically. Just not a happy marriage whatsoever. I don't see it getting better.

Just my $.02.

Stay married. I know it's awful now and you see no reason to stay married and a thousand reasons to split. But don't. If she doesn't want to talk or make it better, then concentrate on yourself and make yourself and the home for your child better.

It will be really hard to do and it will really suck. But getting divorced will be worse. She'll still have all her issues and your child will be exposed to that more than if you were there to ameliorate it and make it better. And eventually, I can't say when, your wife will start to see the example you're setting.

I've been through a marriage and a bad divorce. And I'm 31 years into my second marriage and I've had times like yours in this one. But I hung in there. I'd been through a divorce and and knew how *bad* it sucks. Because it really did. There are many Roy stories peppered through these threads of broken hearts, police cruisers, drunken blackouts, dropping the boyfriend with one punch, assault charges, glasses thrown against the floor, stern judges, and all kinds of fun stuff.

So stay together. Breaking up won't solve anything. Unfortunately, you're being presented with 2 alternatives and both suck bad. Pick the one that might have a happy ending.

All just my opinion without knowing your facts and feel free to tell me to lids up a rope.

[WrongVerb]

When my marriage of 13 years was at its end in 2004 we got a lawyer who specialized in divorce mediation to draw up the proper documents. Cost about $1500. That was in Virginia. I'm assuming costs and laws will be different in Ohio but it's something to look into if the divorce is going to be amicable. Oh, and no kids were involved so that might be different for you as well.

BTW, it's going to suck in a lot of ways for awhile when you are back on your own.

[Larry Schuler]

I've read that marriage satisfaction is at its lowest point around the time children are first introduced to the picture. It sounds like a hard period in general. I'm sorry to hear it's been worse due to the relationship being strained.

[dougdirt]

Lawyer costs, at a minimum are probably going to run you $1500-2000. The retainer will probably be at least half of that.

Beyond that, I can't help much - but I just know that much from some friends that have recently been divorced.

[BuckeyeRed27]

Sorry to hear it man, I'm going through it right now and honestly it is miserable.

I don't have kids, so that has made it a lot easier. We are just using a mediator and that has really kept the costs down. I don't know what it costs for a lawyer in Ohio, but in CA it is between $5-8k for retainer plus hourly. So if you can play nice and are on the same page it won't be as expensive. I don't know how you'll do it without a lawyer if you have a kid though.

Have you tried MC or anything yet?