The Divorce Thread

[adkindo]

Not having the greatest night with this stuff. I’ve been kind of mindlessly browsing tinder and other apps like that to distract myself from what’s been going on lately in my life, and unfortunately I came across my friend’s profile I mentioned in my first post about this. It’s kind of re-sparked a lot of the really intense negative feelings I had right away when this all went down a couple weeks ago.

It’s just kind of a huge punch in the gut that she’s out there looking for someone in the first place, and I that I don’t feel like I measure up to what she wants.

I think I mentioned it already, but I have an attachment disorder, and this particular friend of mine I have feelings for, I’ve had these feelings for over a decade at this point. She’s the first person I ever dated and was a close friend off and on for quite a long time. Like trying to grapple that she doesn’t feel the way about me that I feel about her feels devastating, at the risk of sounding super melodramatic, it feels like it’s going to kill me. I’ve had a lot of pain over feelings like this in my life, but after my ex-girlfriend breaking up with me that I’ve talked about on here before, this is the the most painful it’s ever been.

I’ve been drinking from the time I wake up until I fall asleep at night pretty much every single day for the last 2 weeks. Most days I hope I don’t wake up the next morning.

Anyway. I have therapy tomorrow, which I’m really looking forward to. But man I’m having a really goddamn hard time right now.

I feel for you.....but you have to know and believe it will get better. I do not know when or how long it will take for the change to happen, but I know it will. One day you will wake up and it will hurt less....it is a process that I am not sure there is a major short cut. At some point though, you will have to set the alcohol to the side and start getting yourself positioned for the better days to follow. Only you can do that....and please do not think I am making light of your pain....it is clear to me that it is very real.