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Thread: The Divorce Thread

  1. #226
    rest in power, king Wonderful Monds's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Just kind of an update on how things have been going for the last week or so. My brain has mostly calmed down from ruminating on the situation as hardcore as it had been the first handful of days. It’s not constant anymore, it just kind of flickers on and off a lot in my head.

    What I’m more struggling with at this point is that, I reached out to my best friend last time I posted about this, last weekend before Thanksgiving, and he never acknowledged it at all. Straight up no response and acts like I didn’t say anything at all. Reached out to another close friend and got the same thing, no response.

    I’m basically in complete and total isolation at this point besides therapy. Aside from that making it really hard to deal with this from not having anyone to talk to, isolation alone is killing me. I have a hard time with the holidays most years already, but with covid isolation, and my closest friends deciding to basically go AWOL when I need them most, I’m having an incredibly hard time. Honestly feels like nobody in my life remotely gives a **** about me or the stuff I have going on or anything at all.


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  3. #227
    Posting in Dynarama M2's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    Just kind of an update on how things have been going for the last week or so. My brain has mostly calmed down from ruminating on the situation as hardcore as it had been the first handful of days. It’s not constant anymore, it just kind of flickers on and off a lot in my head.

    What I’m more struggling with at this point is that, I reached out to my best friend last time I posted about this, last weekend before Thanksgiving, and he never acknowledged it at all. Straight up no response and acts like I didn’t say anything at all. Reached out to another close friend and got the same thing, no response.

    I’m basically in complete and total isolation at this point besides therapy. Aside from that making it really hard to deal with this from not having anyone to talk to, isolation alone is killing me. I have a hard time with the holidays most years already, but with covid isolation, and my closest friends deciding to basically go AWOL when I need them most, I’m having an incredibly hard time. Honestly feels like nobody in my life remotely gives a **** about me or the stuff I have going on or anything at all.
    I can guarantee there are people who do care and people who will care. I'm not going to pretend I have any insight that can help, just that there are always people who care (often in the most unexpected of places). We're fortunate enough to have KoryMac5 in our ranks, who actually knows how to navigate these waters. I'm really rooting for you and I know I'm far from alone here in feeling that way.
    I'm not a system player. I am a system.

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  5. #228
    Member Kinsm's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by M2 View Post
    I can guarantee there are people who do care and people who will care. I'm not going to pretend I have any insight that can help, just that there are always people who care (often in the most unexpected of places). We're fortunate enough to have KoryMac5 in our ranks, who actually knows how to navigate these waters. I'm really rooting for you and I know I'm far from alone here in feeling that way.
    I'd like to add that you're never too old to get rid of people you thought were your friends. In the last decade I've dropped three different friends from my life who I had daily interaction with for nearly 20 years. It sometimes takes great hardship in your own life to realize who will really be there for you when you need them. Your mind sorely misses those interactions for a long while, but eventually you get over it.

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  7. #229
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Everything has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Sometimes that arc is over decades and is a grand story. Sometimes things start out promising but then just dissipate. Some things suck and get worse. A lot of things will only happen with great effort and persistence. You just can’t ever give up. I’ve been lucky. After an absolute disaster of a time throughout my 20’s, I got to start my life over again at the age of 32. I got to start my career over again at the age of 56. It would have been very easy to throw my hands up and quit. I did quit several times and tried to crap on my life. But with the help of good friends, good professionals, and some self-realization and generally getting my head out of my ass, I found that life can be very good. It is also very hard and very challenging, but if it was easy, everyone would do it. So continue to persist. Don’t give up. Good times will come. It will happen.
    She used to wake me up with coffee ever morning

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  9. #230
    Member Redsfaithful's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    Just kind of an update on how things have been going for the last week or so. My brain has mostly calmed down from ruminating on the situation as hardcore as it had been the first handful of days. It’s not constant anymore, it just kind of flickers on and off a lot in my head.
    I just read this about COVID-19, but it's really about getting through any tough time which is why I'm sharing - I think this is one of those rare articles that is probably going to permanently change my thought process:

    https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opin...ine-what-does/

    It turns out that, if you ask yourself “Can I keep going?” rather than “Can I make it to the finish?” you’re far more likely to answer in the affirmative.
    Also, I read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius this year when I was really having a tough time with the pandemic. I don't know if anyone really needs to read the entire thing (it's interesting though, and short), but I've found so much value there also this year. Just a summary is useful:

    https://dailystoic.com/meditations-marcus-aurelius/

    I think things like this hit you more or less in different parts of life. I don't know if I would have found much use for stoicism as a younger man - I honestly don't know! - but passing that along also, just in case it might be as useful to you as it has been to me. (And apologies if I've passed this along before, I find myself repeating myself more this year - I think it's COVID aftereffects brainfog or something.)

    Rumination and fixation - those are tough things when you get caught in those loops. Our brains really cause us a lot of problems sometimes. I know a lot of people here care though, and I'm always looking for an update on how you are doing, and I'm always interested in hearing about how you are feeling.
    Last edited by Redsfaithful; 12-01-2020 at 05:11 AM.
    Turning and turning in the widening gyre
    The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

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  11. #231
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    Just kind of an update on how things have been going for the last week or so. My brain has mostly calmed down from ruminating on the situation as hardcore as it had been the first handful of days. It’s not constant anymore, it just kind of flickers on and off a lot in my head.

    What I’m more struggling with at this point is that, I reached out to my best friend last time I posted about this, last weekend before Thanksgiving, and he never acknowledged it at all. Straight up no response and acts like I didn’t say anything at all. Reached out to another close friend and got the same thing, no response.

    I’m basically in complete and total isolation at this point besides therapy. Aside from that making it really hard to deal with this from not having anyone to talk to, isolation alone is killing me. I have a hard time with the holidays most years already, but with covid isolation, and my closest friends deciding to basically go AWOL when I need them most, I’m having an incredibly hard time. Honestly feels like nobody in my life remotely gives a **** about me or the stuff I have going on or anything at all.
    that really sucks that your friends aren't there to help you out. the only thing i could add there is there is a chance they are also dealing with their own issues. a lot of people are struggling right now. always remember that my friend: you are not alone (not even close). a lot of people are in your shoes. fight through the darkness until you see the light.

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  13. #232
    Pitter Patter TRF's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Monds, you joined the year my marriage was falling apart. It was pretty bad for me. More than a few people here helped me out. I was lucky in that my wife and I worked it out, but believe me I know some of what you are feeling for sure. It got really bad for me.

    My friends basically picked sides or tried to use my pain to their gain. I ended up forking over a few grand to a "friend" that took me in.

    You find out a lot about people when adversity strikes. Everyone here posting in this thread is a friend to lean on. Even though we don't all get along .

    I kept almost every PM from 2011. From everyone that reached out to help me. This is a good place. So, if you need to reach out...

    reach out. We'll answer.
    Dubito Ergo Cogito Ergo Sum.

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  15. #233
    rest in power, king Wonderful Monds's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Going through another serious setback tonight. I’ve already been struggling due to isolation - I think I mentioned this, but I stopped talking to my friends I mentioned last time I posted in this thread.

    There’s another repeat thing going on tonight where I think things are going between one of them and the woman I initially posted about in the first place.

    I kinda feel like I’m mentally completely collapsing.

  16. #234
    Member Kinsm's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    Going through another serious setback tonight. I’ve already been struggling due to isolation - I think I mentioned this, but I stopped talking to my friends I mentioned last time I posted in this thread.

    There’s another repeat thing going on tonight where I think things are going between one of them and the woman I initially posted about in the first place.

    I kinda feel like I’m mentally completely collapsing.
    Check your PM, I'll be awake for a few more hours - I'll refresh the page regularly.


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