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Thread: The Divorce Thread

  1. #226
    Member Wonderful Monds's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Just kind of an update on how things have been going for the last week or so. My brain has mostly calmed down from ruminating on the situation as hardcore as it had been the first handful of days. It’s not constant anymore, it just kind of flickers on and off a lot in my head.

    What I’m more struggling with at this point is that, I reached out to my best friend last time I posted about this, last weekend before Thanksgiving, and he never acknowledged it at all. Straight up no response and acts like I didn’t say anything at all. Reached out to another close friend and got the same thing, no response.

    I’m basically in complete and total isolation at this point besides therapy. Aside from that making it really hard to deal with this from not having anyone to talk to, isolation alone is killing me. I have a hard time with the holidays most years already, but with covid isolation, and my closest friends deciding to basically go AWOL when I need them most, I’m having an incredibly hard time. Honestly feels like nobody in my life remotely gives a **** about me or the stuff I have going on or anything at all.
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  3. #227
    Posting in Dynarama M2's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    Just kind of an update on how things have been going for the last week or so. My brain has mostly calmed down from ruminating on the situation as hardcore as it had been the first handful of days. It’s not constant anymore, it just kind of flickers on and off a lot in my head.

    What I’m more struggling with at this point is that, I reached out to my best friend last time I posted about this, last weekend before Thanksgiving, and he never acknowledged it at all. Straight up no response and acts like I didn’t say anything at all. Reached out to another close friend and got the same thing, no response.

    I’m basically in complete and total isolation at this point besides therapy. Aside from that making it really hard to deal with this from not having anyone to talk to, isolation alone is killing me. I have a hard time with the holidays most years already, but with covid isolation, and my closest friends deciding to basically go AWOL when I need them most, I’m having an incredibly hard time. Honestly feels like nobody in my life remotely gives a **** about me or the stuff I have going on or anything at all.
    I can guarantee there are people who do care and people who will care. I'm not going to pretend I have any insight that can help, just that there are always people who care (often in the most unexpected of places). We're fortunate enough to have KoryMac5 in our ranks, who actually knows how to navigate these waters. I'm really rooting for you and I know I'm far from alone here in feeling that way.
    Friends don't let friends fWAR.

    Coddle thy pitchers.

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  5. #228
    Moderator Kinsm's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by M2 View Post
    I can guarantee there are people who do care and people who will care. I'm not going to pretend I have any insight that can help, just that there are always people who care (often in the most unexpected of places). We're fortunate enough to have KoryMac5 in our ranks, who actually knows how to navigate these waters. I'm really rooting for you and I know I'm far from alone here in feeling that way.
    I'd like to add that you're never too old to get rid of people you thought were your friends. In the last decade I've dropped three different friends from my life who I had daily interaction with for nearly 20 years. It sometimes takes great hardship in your own life to realize who will really be there for you when you need them. Your mind sorely misses those interactions for a long while, but eventually you get over it.

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  7. #229
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Everything has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Sometimes that arc is over decades and is a grand story. Sometimes things start out promising but then just dissipate. Some things suck and get worse. A lot of things will only happen with great effort and persistence. You just can’t ever give up. I’ve been lucky. After an absolute disaster of a time throughout my 20’s, I got to start my life over again at the age of 32. I got to start my career over again at the age of 56. It would have been very easy to throw my hands up and quit. I did quit several times and tried to crap on my life. But with the help of good friends, good professionals, and some self-realization and generally getting my head out of my ass, I found that life can be very good. It is also very hard and very challenging, but if it was easy, everyone would do it. So continue to persist. Don’t give up. Good times will come. It will happen.
    “He smote Cutshaw athwart the floating ribs with an inshoot.”

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  9. #230
    Member Redsfaithful's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    Just kind of an update on how things have been going for the last week or so. My brain has mostly calmed down from ruminating on the situation as hardcore as it had been the first handful of days. It’s not constant anymore, it just kind of flickers on and off a lot in my head.
    I just read this about COVID-19, but it's really about getting through any tough time which is why I'm sharing - I think this is one of those rare articles that is probably going to permanently change my thought process:

    https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opin...ine-what-does/

    It turns out that, if you ask yourself “Can I keep going?” rather than “Can I make it to the finish?” you’re far more likely to answer in the affirmative.
    Also, I read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius this year when I was really having a tough time with the pandemic. I don't know if anyone really needs to read the entire thing (it's interesting though, and short), but I've found so much value there also this year. Just a summary is useful:

    https://dailystoic.com/meditations-marcus-aurelius/

    I think things like this hit you more or less in different parts of life. I don't know if I would have found much use for stoicism as a younger man - I honestly don't know! - but passing that along also, just in case it might be as useful to you as it has been to me. (And apologies if I've passed this along before, I find myself repeating myself more this year - I think it's COVID aftereffects brainfog or something.)

    Rumination and fixation - those are tough things when you get caught in those loops. Our brains really cause us a lot of problems sometimes. I know a lot of people here care though, and I'm always looking for an update on how you are doing, and I'm always interested in hearing about how you are feeling.
    Last edited by Redsfaithful; 12-01-2020 at 06:11 AM.
    Turning and turning in the widening gyre
    The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

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  11. #231
    Member
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    Just kind of an update on how things have been going for the last week or so. My brain has mostly calmed down from ruminating on the situation as hardcore as it had been the first handful of days. It’s not constant anymore, it just kind of flickers on and off a lot in my head.

    What I’m more struggling with at this point is that, I reached out to my best friend last time I posted about this, last weekend before Thanksgiving, and he never acknowledged it at all. Straight up no response and acts like I didn’t say anything at all. Reached out to another close friend and got the same thing, no response.

    I’m basically in complete and total isolation at this point besides therapy. Aside from that making it really hard to deal with this from not having anyone to talk to, isolation alone is killing me. I have a hard time with the holidays most years already, but with covid isolation, and my closest friends deciding to basically go AWOL when I need them most, I’m having an incredibly hard time. Honestly feels like nobody in my life remotely gives a **** about me or the stuff I have going on or anything at all.
    that really sucks that your friends aren't there to help you out. the only thing i could add there is there is a chance they are also dealing with their own issues. a lot of people are struggling right now. always remember that my friend: you are not alone (not even close). a lot of people are in your shoes. fight through the darkness until you see the light.


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