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Thread: The Divorce Thread

  1. #211
    Member adkindo's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    Not having the greatest night with this stuff. I’ve been kind of mindlessly browsing tinder and other apps like that to distract myself from what’s been going on lately in my life, and unfortunately I came across my friend’s profile I mentioned in my first post about this. It’s kind of re-sparked a lot of the really intense negative feelings I had right away when this all went down a couple weeks ago.

    It’s just kind of a huge punch in the gut that she’s out there looking for someone in the first place, and I that I don’t feel like I measure up to what she wants.

    I think I mentioned it already, but I have an attachment disorder, and this particular friend of mine I have feelings for, I’ve had these feelings for over a decade at this point. She’s the first person I ever dated and was a close friend off and on for quite a long time. Like trying to grapple that she doesn’t feel the way about me that I feel about her feels devastating, at the risk of sounding super melodramatic, it feels like it’s going to kill me. I’ve had a lot of pain over feelings like this in my life, but after my ex-girlfriend breaking up with me that I’ve talked about on here before, this is the the most painful it’s ever been.

    I’ve been drinking from the time I wake up until I fall asleep at night pretty much every single day for the last 2 weeks. Most days I hope I don’t wake up the next morning.

    Anyway. I have therapy tomorrow, which I’m really looking forward to. But man I’m having a really goddamn hard time right now.
    I feel for you.....but you have to know and believe it will get better. I do not know when or how long it will take for the change to happen, but I know it will. One day you will wake up and it will hurt less....it is a process that I am not sure there is a major short cut. At some point though, you will have to set the alcohol to the side and start getting yourself positioned for the better days to follow. Only you can do that....and please do not think I am making light of your pain....it is clear to me that it is very real.
    ďThe object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.Ē
    ― Marcus Aurelius

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  4. #212
    Member Wonderful Monds's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by BuckeyeRed27 View Post
    Iím not sure itís the greatest idea, but have you talked to her? I know you mentioned kinda sorta asking her out, but have you really told her how you feel? It might not go the way you want, but at least you wonít be stuck in this in between area.
    She knows how I feel about her, itís been out in the open for a while. That was the hurdle for her thinking that we shouldnít hang out together 1 on 1 rather than just doing stuff together with the rest of our friends.

    I have kind of thought about reaching out to her again if for no other reason than to see how sheís feeling about my decision to basically step away, and maybe clarifying some of the things that I said in terms of why I felt I needed to do so. But Iím not sure if thereís any way I could further elaborate on how I feel about her to her.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bob Sheed View Post
    When it comes to crow, I'd like nothing more than to eat Dick's all season long and into the postseason.

  5. #213
    Member Wonderful Monds's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by adkindo View Post
    I feel for you.....but you have to know and believe it will get better. I do not know when or how long it will take for the change to happen, but I know it will. One day you will wake up and it will hurt less....it is a process that I am not sure there is a major short cut. At some point though, you will have to set the alcohol to the side and start getting yourself positioned for the better days to follow. Only you can do that....and please do not think I am making light of your pain....it is clear to me that it is very real.
    Good news is I’ve stopped drinking for the last couple days, if for no other reason than I try really hard to be as mentally sharp as I can for my therapy sessions.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bob Sheed View Post
    When it comes to crow, I'd like nothing more than to eat Dick's all season long and into the postseason.

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  7. #214
    They call me "chef"
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Living in theoretical what-ifs and replayed memories can be hell. Other than continuing to talk to a professional or finding a new professional who can help more, the only advice I can give is to try to replace the time spent romanticizing and theorizing in your head with active moments talking and connecting with other people and sharing reality and time with them. Doesnít have to be romantic. Just has to be in the present and be time put toward connecting you with the outside world and re-calibrating your balance. For real. You canít beat the demons in your head by retreating further into your head. Itís like having a car with engine issues. You have to get out of the car and get help and slowly fix things so you can eventually get back in and drive to where you really want to be. You canít fix the engine problems by locking the doors and pressing down on the gas.

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  9. #215
    Member adkindo's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    Good news is I’ve stopped drinking for the last couple days, if for no other reason than I try really hard to be as mentally sharp as I can for my therapy sessions.
    Take advantage of your therapy....make the effort and it will have a benefit. Actually, if at some point you do not think it is benefitting you, do not be afraid to try a different therapist. I never ever thought I would be sitting on a couch talking to a therapist....and I even went in with a less than perfect attitude about it, but it began to help me work things out in my head, and I bought in. Once I was able to really be honest, my therapist really helped me figure some things out about myself, what I was doing right and what I was doing wrong, etc. etc. I did not come out a perfect human being or even one who figured everything out....but I came out a better person that understood myself a little better, and most importantly the steps I needed to take that I could control to get pointed in the desired direction. It is really hard to be completely honest about how you feel and view things with anyone....even family and friends because you often have reservations how they will perceive you going forward, but no need to worry about that with a therapist because in the end, you do not have to be concerned with how they perceive you in two years. They will not be in your life, and their only role is to help you get to where you want to get as long as they believe that is a healthy place.

    If I lived close by....we would be fishing, golfing, playing pool and wasting all kinds of time living in the moment for a few weeks. Do not hesitate to lean on some close friends if they live nearby....that is one of the reasons you have them in your life.
    Last edited by adkindo; 10-29-2020 at 10:05 AM.
    ďThe object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.Ē
    ― Marcus Aurelius

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  11. #216
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by adkindo View Post
    Did anyone watch that docu series on HBO this past year about these murders? I was good as in well done, but it was a tough watch for anyone with a heart.

    https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10720030/
    I didn't know about this. I'll try to watch.

  12. #217
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by adkindo View Post
    Take advantage of your therapy....make the effort and it will have a benefit. Actually, if at some point you do not think it is benefitting you, do not be afraid to try a different therapist.
    I second this. They work for you and if they don't work for you, get someone else.

    I know some will bring up "uncomfortable truths" and "tough love".

    Bull****.

    Nobody needs a preacher-man.

  13. #218
    Member Wonderful Monds's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    So, I think I essentially found out that one of my close mutual friends with this person I originally mentioned is involved with her, and likely has been the entire time I’ve had my thing going on and struggling with her. Like, as this other friend was giving me advice and I opened up to them about my deep attachment issues and other intense feelings about this woman. I feel pretty deeply betrayed and just kind of like my soul has been ripped out of my body.

    I wrote a suicide note earlier and I just kind of stared at it for a while. I even walked out the door to go find a way to make it happen, but I just kind of sat in my car for a few minutes before I decided to come back inside. I’d probably have gone to the hospital if not for the fact that I’d almost certainly get COVID if I went, I called a few psych units and they’re all overcrowded and essentially doubling up rooms, which means no distancing.

    I’m barely hanging on for my next therapy session on Tuesday. But I’m not doing well at all, to say the least.
    Last edited by Wonderful Monds; 11-22-2020 at 06:15 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bob Sheed View Post
    When it comes to crow, I'd like nothing more than to eat Dick's all season long and into the postseason.

  14. #219
    Score Early, Score Often gonelong's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    I am sorry you are hurting. I can see why this is painful. Hang in there and please call someone to talk.

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  16. #220
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    So, I think I essentially found out that one of my close mutual friends with this person I originally mentioned is involved with her, and likely has been the entire time Iíve had my thing going on and struggling with her. Like, as this other friend was giving me advice and I opened up to them about my deep attachment issues and other intense feelings about this woman. I feel pretty deeply betrayed and just kind of like my soul has been ripped out of my body.
    I'm sorry that you're going through this, but FWIW that's exactly how that kind of betrayal SHOULD feel meaning...."you" are working not broken. You are learning. You can use that new knowledge to make the world a better place for yourself.

    Again, I'm sorry that you're going through this. You are in my prayers. I hope you find a way to broaden your pastures.

    Oh...I have a Sunday morning ritual of looking through the contents at https://postsecret.com/ It might help. Doubt it will hurt.
    Last edited by dfs; 11-22-2020 at 12:19 PM.
    "Even a bad day at the ballpark beats the snot out of most other good days. I'll take my scorecard and pencil and beer and hot dog and rage at the dips and cheer at the highs, but I'm not ever going to stop loving this game and this team and nobody will ever take that away from me." Roy Tucker October 2010

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  18. #221
    Kmac5 KoryMac5's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    So, I think I essentially found out that one of my close mutual friends with this person I originally mentioned is involved with her, and likely has been the entire time I’ve had my thing going on and struggling with her. Like, as this other friend was giving me advice and I opened up to them about my deep attachment issues and other intense feelings about this woman. I feel pretty deeply betrayed and just kind of like my soul has been ripped out of my body.

    I wrote a suicide note earlier and I just kind of stared at it for a while. I even walked out the door to go find a way to make it happen, but I just kind of sat in my car for a few minutes before I decided to come back inside. I’d probably have gone to the hospital if not for the fact that I’d almost certainly get COVID if I went, I called a few psych units and they’re all overcrowded and essentially doubling up rooms, which means no distancing.

    I’m barely hanging on for my next therapy session on Tuesday. But I’m not doing well at all, to say the least.
    I have worked on a crisis line for Veterans for 11 years once you start writing suicide notes things start to get serious...

    In situations like this when we hurt our minds start playing tricks on us and rationalize suicide as an option. Please if you have any friends or supports I think it would be beneficial for you to connect with them as I don't think it is a good idea for you to be home today.

    Your local crisis line can help as well...1-800-273-8255

    You also have friends here as well if you need to give your mind a bit if a break from all of this.
    If you have a losing record at Reds games, please stop going.

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  20. #222
    Posting in Dynarama M2's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    So, I think I essentially found out that one of my close mutual friends with this person I originally mentioned is involved with her, and likely has been the entire time Iíve had my thing going on and struggling with her. Like, as this other friend was giving me advice and I opened up to them about my deep attachment issues and other intense feelings about this woman. I feel pretty deeply betrayed and just kind of like my soul has been ripped out of my body.

    I wrote a suicide note earlier and I just kind of stared at it for a while. I even walked out the door to go find a way to make it happen, but I just kind of sat in my car for a few minutes before I decided to come back inside. Iíd probably have gone to the hospital if not for the fact that Iíd almost certainly get COVID if I went, I called a few psych units and theyíre all overcrowded and essentially doubling up rooms, which means no distancing.

    Iím barely hanging on for my next therapy session on Tuesday. But Iím not doing well at all, to say the least.
    I hope you're hearing it as others here express that they're rooting for you. People care. Also, don't hesitate to get the help you need. If you think you need to go to the hospital, please go. Reach out for help and you will find hands to clasp.
    Friends don't let friends fWAR.

    Coddle thy pitchers.

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  22. #223
    Strategery RFS62's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    So, I think I essentially found out that one of my close mutual friends with this person I originally mentioned is involved with her, and likely has been the entire time I’ve had my thing going on and struggling with her. Like, as this other friend was giving me advice and I opened up to them about my deep attachment issues and other intense feelings about this woman. I feel pretty deeply betrayed and just kind of like my soul has been ripped out of my body.

    I wrote a suicide note earlier and I just kind of stared at it for a while. I even walked out the door to go find a way to make it happen, but I just kind of sat in my car for a few minutes before I decided to come back inside. I’d probably have gone to the hospital if not for the fact that I’d almost certainly get COVID if I went, I called a few psych units and they’re all overcrowded and essentially doubling up rooms, which means no distancing.

    I’m barely hanging on for my next therapy session on Tuesday. But I’m not doing well at all, to say the least.

    A lot of good people here care about you.

    We don't always know what to say, but that's not what's important.

    What's important is that you know we care and we're doing our best to say anything that can help you through the pain.

    We've gotten to know you over the last few years. It's kind of selfish for us. We don't want to let you go.
    Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again.

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  24. #224
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by M2 View Post
    Dating strikes me as similar to baseball. We all assume the way we did it is the "right" way and that these kids today are doing it all wrong.
    they should probably come up with "getting on first base, second base, third base or hitting a home run" analogies.
    Last edited by JFLegal; 11-24-2020 at 12:15 PM.

  25. #225
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    monds, i like to joke around a lot, but get some help brother. plenty of therapists can help you online (if your current therapist can't get you in). you sound like you're struggling -- get some help asap. you have people who love you that need you around.

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