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Thread: The Divorce Thread

  1. #16
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Also you should talk to a lawyer first before you decide anything. Most will have a free consultation with you where you can ask all your questions. If you go down this path, you obviously want to make sure you are protected and you can figure out what your liability will be for child support/alimony and if you own your home what that might look like too.


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  3. #17
    Daffy Duck RedTeamGo!'s Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Thanks everyone for the advise. Much appreciated.

    I actually did just purchase a home.

    That is a big part of the reason why I am starting to get serious about this.

    I know I will lose so much by getting a divorce, but with all of that negativity and loss as a result I think it will be better than my life right now.

  4. #18
    TyrannoSuarez Wrecks WrongVerb's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo! View Post
    Thanks everyone for the advise. Much appreciated.

    I actually did just purchase a home.

    That is a big part of the reason why I am starting to get serious about this.

    I know I will lose so much by getting a divorce, but with all of that negativity and loss as a result I think it will be better than my life right now.
    Sometimes it is better. It is a lot better for me now, although it took several years to start to see it get better. I wouldn't trade my life now for anything I could have had with my ex-wife.
    Gratitude + Forgiveness = Happiness

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  5. #19
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo! View Post
    She is stressed about everything and redirects everything at me. I can do nothing right, basically. Just not a happy marriage whatsoever. I don't see it getting better.
    That's terrible. I'm sorry to hear it.

    It sounds like psychological therapy could help. Cognitive behavioral therapy could probably do wonders for her (for everyone), but she has to want it.

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  7. #20
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo! View Post
    I asked if she wanted to see a MC and she said no and that she says everything on her mind.

    I have read that is a big alarm your divorce is inevitably heading towards divorce, the fact one or both of the spouses don't want to work on fixing problems.
    I know you didn't ask - but I'd encourage you to exhaust all of your alternatives before going down the divorce route. Aside from the substantial expense and emotional distress, you've got a child to consider and if you end up getting divorced you're going to end up losing half the time with your child. I'm not saying you should stay in a bad marriage for the sake of your child (kids are far better off with two relatively happy, divorced parents than miserable, married parents) but you owe it to them to at least try to make it work.

    Instead of asking her if she wants to go to marriage counseling, tell her that YOU want (and need) to go to marriage counseling and be prepared to explain why it's necessary for the health of your relationship. If it doesn't work out and you still end up getting divorced, at least you can do so with a clean conscious.
    Last edited by nmculbreth; 06-01-2016 at 08:41 PM.

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  9. #21
    Bullpen or whatever RedEye's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    So sorry to hear this, RTG. Not knowing the specifics of your situation, I find it hard to comment, but I will say that when my marriage went through some rough patches, cognitive therapy helped a great deal. I hope everything works out for the best.
    "Ill kind of have a foot on the back of my own butt. Thats just how I do things. -- Bryan Price, 10/22/2013

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  11. #22
    Daffy Duck RedTeamGo!'s Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by nmculbreth View Post
    I know you didn't ask - but I'd encourage you to exhaust all of your alternatives before going down the divorce route. Aside from the substantial expense and emotional distress, you've got a child to consider and if you end up getting divorced you're going to end up losing half the time with your child. I'm not saying you should stay in a bad marriage for the sake of your child (kids are far better off with two relatively happy, divorced parents than miserable, married parents) but you owe it to them to at least try to make it work.

    Instead of asking her if she wants to go to marriage counseling, tell her that YOU want (and need) to go to marriage counseling and be prepared to explain why it's necessary for the health of your relationship. If it doesn't work out and you still end up getting divorced, at least you can do so with a clean conscious.
    I am definitely going to try and salvage it. Just difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel unfortunately.

    PS: I would appreciate you not mentioning this thread to our shared "real life" acquaintances (my wife is friends with some of your sisters friends and they all know the same people).

  12. #23
    Member Tom Servo's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo! View Post
    I am definitely going to try and salvage it. Just difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel unfortunately.

    PS: I would appreciate you not mentioning this thread to our shared "real life" acquaintances (my wife is friends with some of your sisters friends and they all know the same people).
    yeah no snitchin
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  13. #24
    Member Wonderful Monds's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo! View Post
    She is stressed about everything and redirects everything at me. I can do nothing right, basically. Just not a happy marriage whatsoever. I don't see it getting better.
    I don't want to pry publicly and you can PM me if you want, but does she have any history of depression/anxiety etc.? Possibly even that you might not be aware of yet?

    Either way sorry to hear it man.
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  15. #25
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Maybe individual counseling (for her) could be beneficial?
    Quote Originally Posted by Bob Sheed View Post
    When it comes to crow, I'd like nothing more than to eat Dick's all season long and into the postseason.

  16. #26
    Daffy Duck RedTeamGo!'s Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderful Monds View Post
    I don't want to pry publicly and you can PM me if you want, but does she have any history of depression/anxiety etc.? Possibly even that you might not be aware of yet?

    Either way sorry to hear it man.
    I think she has anxiety issues but it's never been diagnosed. She has been afraid of everything ever since we got pregnant and even moreso once the little dude was born. I understand anxiety with a first child and whatnot, but I don't deserve to be treated the way I am being treated.

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  18. #27
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo! View Post
    I think she has anxiety issues but it's never been diagnosed. She has been afraid of everything ever since we got pregnant and even moreso once the little dude was born. I understand anxiety with a first child and whatnot, but I don't deserve to be treated the way I am being treated.
    Yeah, I would definitely see if you can't sit down with her and have a conversation and just broach the subject gently...maybe propose you both go to individual counseling to work on things for the both of you? Even if you don't think you need it, the offer to go yourself as well can help steer that conversation away from a direction that can be taken as "accusatory", even if someone needs it, getting asked to look into therapy can be taken as an insult (unfortunately)
    Quote Originally Posted by Bob Sheed View Post
    When it comes to crow, I'd like nothing more than to eat Dick's all season long and into the postseason.

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  20. #28
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo! View Post
    I am definitely going to try and salvage it. Just difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel unfortunately.

    PS: I would appreciate you not mentioning this thread to our shared "real life" acquaintances (my wife is friends with some of your sisters friends and they all know the same people).
    That goes without saying.

    Hang in there.

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  22. #29
    Pitter Patter TRF's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    I almost got divorced back in 2011. Worst time of my life, almost ended it in fact. It was rough. We reconciled but honestly we only seemed to do so for our daughter. She graduated last week, and is heading off to college. She's the youngest. And now, we are at a crossroads in our marriage. The one thing we had left unifying us is leaving. So, I get where you are coming from, because she does the same things to me. In fact, as recently as this morning.

    If you think she has anxiety issues, postpartum depression could be exacerbating them. But telling her she needs help probably won't work. She'll need to figure that one out mostly on her own.

    Concentrate on your kid. Don't engage when she verbally attacks you, because that is exactly what she's looking for, a response. It's a trap I fall in to all too often (today). Maybe listen more and react less. You don't have to agree with her when she baits you to get her to ease off, but it doesn't have to be a battle.

    Either she's the person you fell in love with and you want to be with her and help her through her issues, or she isn't that person anymore and you need to do what is best for you and your child.

    It sucks, but the end of a marriage isn't the end of you.
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  24. #30
    Potential Lunch Winner Dom Heffner's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo! View Post
    I think she has anxiety issues but it's never been diagnosed. She has been afraid of everything ever since we got pregnant and even moreso once the little dude was born. I understand anxiety with a first child and whatnot, but I don't deserve to be treated the way I am being treated.
    The best time to see a lawyer is now. I would go and see what you can legally do and not do to protect yourself.

    Go stealth.

    And I feel incredibly sorry for what you are going through. So sad.

    I had a girl quit on me once. We weren't married but she basically quit. It stinks.

    If she isn't the person you married or the situation is that awful, I would say your mourning period should be minimal.

    You won't be missing any of this, believe me.
    Last edited by Dom Heffner; 06-02-2016 at 12:29 PM.

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