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Thread: The Divorce Thread

  1. #46
    Member Sea Ray's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Dom Heffner View Post
    Two divorce reform bills. The latest one was just a month ago. Ended forever alimony, brought by a woman GOP in the statehouse...

    It assumed equal custody.

    A dream, really. Scott got cold feet, even though it was passed by Republicans.

    It probably went overboard but good God, people don't need to be supported forever.
    Alimony and child support are different animals. Custody would only have to do with child support.


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  3. #47
    Potential Lunch Winner Dom Heffner's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Sea Ray View Post
    Alimony and child support are different animals. Custody would only have to do with child support.
    They were adressing the whole nine yards. I know they are different.

    Forever alimony was to be a thing of the past.

    For custody, they automatically start at 50-50 time.

    It was a pretty radical departure from what we have now.

  4. #48
    You serious Clark? Assembly Hall's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Sea Ray View Post
    Alimony and child support are different animals.
    They are supposed to be, but a lot of times they over lap. Meaning you are supposed be paying for your kid, but the ex spends it on herself.
    Fake news

  5. #49
    Be the ball Roy Tucker's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RedTeamGo! View Post
    She is stressed about everything and redirects everything at me. I can do nothing right, basically. Just not a happy marriage whatsoever. I don't see it getting better.
    Just my $.02.

    Stay married. I know it's awful now and you see no reason to stay married and a thousand reasons to split. But don't. If she doesn't want to talk or make it better, then concentrate on yourself and make yourself and the home for your child better.

    It will be really hard to do and it will really suck. But getting divorced will be worse. She'll still have all her issues and your child will be exposed to that more than if you were there to ameliorate it and make it better. And eventually, I can't say when, your wife will start to see the example you're setting.

    I've been through a marriage and a bad divorce. And I'm 31 years into my second marriage and I've had times like yours in this one. But I hung in there. I'd been through a divorce and and knew how *bad* it sucks. Because it really did. There are many Roy stories peppered through these threads of broken hearts, police cruisers, drunken blackouts, dropping the boyfriend with one punch, assault charges, glasses thrown against the floor, stern judges, and all kinds of fun stuff.

    So stay together. Breaking up won't solve anything. Unfortunately, you're being presented with 2 alternatives and both suck bad. Pick the one that might have a happy ending.

    All just my opinion without knowing your facts and feel free to tell me to lids up a rope.
    “He smote Cutshaw athwart the floating ribs with an inshoot.”

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  7. #50
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Assembly Hall View Post
    They are supposed to be, but a lot of times they over lap. Meaning you are supposed be paying for your kid, but the ex spends it on herself.
    No doubt. In fact I'd say that's often the case.

    I guess my issue is that there's a lot more incentive for the Dad to stay married than the Mom. If the divorce happens, the Mom gets the kid, a free weekend every two weeks and a check every month. The Dad loses his kid except for every other weekend and has to part with a lot of hard earned money. The story gets even better for the wife who's screwing around. She pays no price for her infidelity and she'll often get extras, monetary and otherwise from the new boyfriend.

    My wife and I have a relationship where we can joke about this kind of stuff and I'll talk about infidelity on my part and she'll just fire back: "go for it. I'll take the kid, the house and half your business. It'll cost you." There's no such disincentive for her. She could do the same thing and she'd still end up with all of the above.

    It's a screwed up system.

  8. #51
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Dom Heffner View Post
    They were adressing the whole nine yards. I know they are different.
    I'd say that's a tactical mistake. Child support is trickier because you need to put the kids first. If a decision is unfair to one of the parents, so be it if it's the best interest of the kids. I'm not saying there's no room for reform -- just that it should tackled separately from alimony.

    Alimony, otoh, should be facing an existential crisis. The whole idea is rooted in a world where women didn't have many career options and society wanted to punish men who left their families (it was assumed women didn't want to leave a marriage). I can see some alimony in situations where someone is supported through school or something. But, mostly, it should just go away.
    Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

  9. #52
    Member Sea Ray's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Rojo View Post
    I'd say that's a tactical mistake. Child support is trickier because you need to put the kids first. If a decision is unfair to one of the parents, so be it if it's the best interest of the kids. I'm not saying there's no room for reform -- just that it should tackled separately from alimony.

    Alimony, otoh, should be facing an existential crisis. The whole idea is rooted in a world where women didn't have many career options and society wanted to punish men who left their families (it was assumed women didn't want to leave a marriage). I can see some alimony in situations where someone is supported through school or something. But, mostly, it should just go away.
    The problem with child support is that it's a check written to the ex spouse. It can and does get spent on everything. It's not like it goes into escrow where either spouse can pull money out for kids' defined expenses. It should work kind of like a health savings acct

  10. #53
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Sea Ray View Post
    The problem with child support is that it's a check written to the ex spouse. It can and does get spent on everything. It's not like it goes into escrow where either spouse can pull money out for kids' defined expenses. It should work kind of like a health savings acct
    Do you bureaucrats scrutinizing every expenditure? We have a good idea how much kids cost. We can establish a baseline for a good upbringing.
    Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

  11. #54
    Member Redsfaithful's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Sea Ray View Post
    The problem with child support is that it's a check written to the ex spouse. It can and does get spent on everything. It's not like it goes into escrow where either spouse can pull money out for kids' defined expenses. It should work kind of like a health savings acct
    I mean, money's fungible. It doesn't really matter if the child support goes to groceries or rent or whatever else, so long as the kid is getting what they need.
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  12. #55
    You serious Clark? Assembly Hall's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Redsfaithful View Post
    I mean, money's fungible. It doesn't really matter if the child support goes to groceries or rent or whatever else, so long as the kid is getting what they need.
    And that is the "rub".
    Fake news

  13. #56
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Redsfaithful View Post
    I mean, money's fungible. It doesn't really matter if the child support goes to groceries or rent or whatever else, so long as the kid is getting what they need.
    It's not about what they need. In fact that has little to do with it. It's about what the ex spouse can afford. Child support from Tiger Woods is going to be much different than child support from one of us around here. In fact is the ex spouse's income goes up, child support will likely also be increased because the courts don't want one parent's place to be significantly nicer than the other's.

    It is crazy. I'm glad I've never had to make a payment to an ex-wife.

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  15. #57
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Sea Ray View Post
    It's not about what they need. In fact that has little to do with it. It's about what the ex spouse can afford. Child support from Tiger Woods is going to be much different than child support from one of us around here. In fact is the ex spouse's income goes up, child support will likely also be increased because the courts don't want one parent's place to be significantly nicer than the other's.

    It is crazy. I'm glad I've never had to make a payment to an ex-wife.
    I'm still not seeing the problem, the child's quality of life shouldn't suffer because the dad has earning power the mother doesn't and he lives with mom. Pretty basic common sense.
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  16. #58
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Redsfaithful View Post
    I'm still not seeing the problem, the child's quality of life shouldn't suffer because the dad has earning power the mother doesn't and he lives with mom. Pretty basic common sense.
    That's the thinking that goes into such laws. The problem is your assumption that bigger checks to the Mom positively affect the child's quality of life. These are no strings attached checks. The Dad has no control over how the money's spent. Also Dad's who have had their income cut for whatever reason can attest to the fact that it's quite difficult to get those child support checks cut.

  17. #59
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    FWIW, in Ohio there's a child support calculator that determines the amount of child support due in each case. There are sample calculators out there that will give you an approximation if you so desire. (Spousal support is an entirely different animal. Presiding judges seem have certain guidelines, but also have a lot of individual discretion.)

    Also, if you feel that the custodial parent is "wasting" child support payments (and can prove it), you can revisit custody. And in some cases, it might only take a couple months of decreased (or no) payments to recoup legal fees.
    When all is said and done more is said than done.

  18. #60
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Sea Ray View Post
    That's the thinking that goes into such laws. The problem is your assumption that bigger checks to the Mom positively affect the child's quality of life. These are no strings attached checks. The Dad has no control over how the money's spent. Also Dad's who have had their income cut for whatever reason can attest to the fact that it's quite difficult to get those child support checks cut.
    What strings would you attach? How would you enforce? How do you account for wanting to do this when there are so many men who don't pay child support at all?

    I think most men who complain about this kind of thing are kind of shortsighted because of bitterness, or just losers to be honest, but I'm open to new perspectives.
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