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Thread: The Divorce Thread

  1. #106
    Playoffs ?? !! goreds2's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Did you mean to post a link?
    * Attended the 1990 and 2010 Reds Division clinchers *

    Go 76ers, Go Steelers and Go Bucks


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  3. #107
    Daffy Duck RedTeamGo!'s Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Click on the word article

  4. #108
    Member Playadlc's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Sad bump.

    Welp, after 13 years of marriage my wife wants a divorce. We have been down this road before and came out the other side, but it looks to be over now. Thankfully we don’t have kids.

    I’m wondering if anyone in a similar position has had success with individual therapy? Looking for ways to improve myself and stay sane during this difficult time.

  5. #109
    Eight bosses? Bob Sheed's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Playadlc View Post
    Sad bump.

    Welp, after 13 years of marriage my wife wants a divorce. We have been down this road before and came out the other side, but it looks to be over now. Thankfully we don’t have kids.

    I’m wondering if anyone in a similar position has had success with individual therapy? Looking for ways to improve myself and stay sane during this difficult time.
    Congratulations on starting a new chapter in life. No kids, so you have the added benefit of not damaging anyone else.

    Lawyer up.
    Delete Facebook
    Start strength and cardio. (Formerly "hit the gym")

    And finally, Bill Burr:

    https://imgur.com/0Y2u4Xb

    Realize that sleeping on a futon when you're 30 is not the worst thing. You know what's worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you're not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate. You'll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There's no risk when you go after a dream. There's a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.
    "Lemonade requires a significant amount of sugar. Otherwise, you've just made lemon juice."

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  7. #110
    Daffy Duck RedTeamGo!'s Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Playadlc View Post
    Sad bump.

    Welp, after 13 years of marriage my wife wants a divorce. We have been down this road before and came out the other side, but it looks to be over now. Thankfully we don’t have kids.

    I’m wondering if anyone in a similar position has had success with individual therapy? Looking for ways to improve myself and stay sane during this difficult time.
    I hate to hear this. However, I want to echo Bob: the fact you don’t have kids will allow you to go out and do things you couldn’t or wouldn’t do while married.

    As an aside: this was quite the thread for me to read 4 years after the fact, as I started it.

    An update if anyone cares: my wife and I still have issues here and there, but we are in a much better place and now have two kids. I guess RF was right about the little kids being a big stressor.
    What would you say.....ya do here?

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  9. #111
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Bob Sheed View Post
    Congratulations on starting a new chapter in life. No kids, so you have the added benefit of not damaging anyone else.

    Lawyer up.
    Delete Facebook
    Start strength and cardio. (Formerly "hit the gym")

    And finally, Bill Burr:

    https://imgur.com/0Y2u4Xb
    Thanks. Starting over at 40 is a bit scary. It feels like I’m closing the door on a life with kids, but this is helpful.

  10. #112
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Playadlc View Post
    It feels like I’m closing the door on a life with kids, but this is helpful.
    Not if you're into younger women. I know plenty of men on their "second family" who had children well into their 40s (and sometimes 50s).

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  12. #113
    Kmac5 KoryMac5's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Divorce sucks I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy...

    Married in 2000 divorced by 2002

    Remarried in 2005 and still rocking 15 years later....my wife likes to say I was broken in when we found each other.

    I found a great counselor and we went to work on me and my growth.

    You will have some awful days and some good ones too...manage the awful ones by being kind to yourself and finding good coping skills.

    I will say my current marriage and the person I am today, is so much better than who I was in 2000. We are here to talk if you need us.
    If you have a losing record at Reds games, please stop going.

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  14. #114
    Member RedsfaninMT's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Been there done that. For me, a therapist got me to understand that I was a good person and that when a relationship is in trouble, your partner will say some hurtful stuff.

    I met a young lady (who remains a friend to this day) who got me to realize I was still desirable. It was weird at first, as her body felt different to what I was used to. Anyway, married 29 years in round 2, and we had our one child when we were both 41. Lots of my buddies married gals in there young 30s and started a family. The surgeon that will operate on my shoulder just had his 1st kid at 48. His wife is almost painfully beautiful.

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  16. #115
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Playadlc View Post
    Sad bump.

    Welp, after 13 years of marriage my wife wants a divorce. We have been down this road before and came out the other side, but it looks to be over now. Thankfully we don’t have kids.

    I’m wondering if anyone in a similar position has had success with individual therapy? Looking for ways to improve myself and stay sane during this difficult time.
    I got divorced five years ago, also with no kids. It sucks for a bit for sure. I did therapy five or six times. It was somewhat helpful, so I wouldn’t discourage you from it. Everyone is different and it’s obviously not cheap, but once you get to a point that you aren’t dwelling on the dark stuff you can probably handle it yourself.

    You’re gonna have some bad days and that’s totally fine. You will be happier and that day will come sooner than you think. Find a couple things you like to do or have wanted to do and do them. I did a 6 month cooking school started doing yoga and went on a vacation by myself. There is no right answer other than just focusing on your own happiness.

    I also found it helpful after a bit to figure out mistakes I made in the relationship and want I wanted in the future both for myself and in a relationship. Don’t do this on day 1, but at some point. Therapy can be good for this too.

    Always happy to talk you through it and sounds like a few others here are too. Good luck.

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  18. #116
    I wear Elly colored glass WrongVerb's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Make sure you allow yourself to grieve. And give yourself some grace for those times when your emotions get the best of you. After my first marriage ended, I spent nearly a year being depressed -- my finances and credit went to hell. I finally pulled myself out of it, though. One thing that helped was getting back to a social activity that I really enjoyed. I suggest the same for you. Don't do online gaming or anything...actually get out (on the other side of this pandemic) and interact with other humans. It's really helpful.

    Oh, and definitely get a lawyer. Even if you think it's going to be amicable, you still want your own advocate looking over the paperwork and all that.
    Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. -- Carl Sagan (Pale Blue Dot)

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  20. #117
    Member Playadlc's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Thanks all. Greatly appreciate it. You guys are awesome. It's nice reading success stories after a divorce. Gives me hope.

    I have found out during this process, it's only been about 4 days so far, the more I try and handle this situation with class and dignity, the better it makes me feel.

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  22. #118
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Divorced with no kids here too. I feel ya! If you ever need any advice or want to chat, feel free to send me a DM.

    I was with my ex wife for 11 years (5 married.) I was 31 when the divorce happened. My decision initially, and then after that it was mutual.

    It was extremely difficult, but I acted like it wasn't. I was pretty numb to the fallout of it for a number of years. I echo the sentiments of other posters that going to counseling really helps. It allows you to express yourself in a safe place. I still go once a month. I'd recommend counseling/therapy to anyone.

    I think the hardest part after the divorce was being treated like a pariah by many former friends (Some married and some not). When I needed them the most, they seemed to care more about not being infected by my divorce "itis" lol. I found it hard to make friends for a long time; something I prided myself on being good at in the past.

    The aloneness you feel after a divorce is probably the worst thing of all. I would highly recommend getting a dog if you don't have one, and join some social clubs. It's been over 5 years now, and I still never regret it. I've made some awesome memories and have been blessed to be with some amazing women since. ...the ladies won't care as much as you think!

    Best of luck to you!

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  24. #119
    I wear Elly colored glass WrongVerb's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by forfreelin04 View Post
    blessed to be with some amazing women since. ...the ladies won't care as much as you think!
    I got laid way more after my divorce than before. Some were casual acquaintances, some were something more. I ended up marrying one of the "something mores" a few years ago. And it's so much better the 2nd time around, not making the mistakes I made in my first marriage.
    Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. -- Carl Sagan (Pale Blue Dot)

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  26. #120
    Member forfreelin04's Avatar
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    Re: The Divorce Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by WrongVerb View Post
    I got laid way more after my divorce than before. Some were casual acquaintances, some were something more. I ended up marrying one of the "something mores" a few years ago. And it's so much better the 2nd time around, not making the mistakes I made in my first marriage.
    HAHA! Good to know! I'm with someone that feels like they could be that 2nd time around thing right now. Glad to hear it's going well for you!

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