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Thread: What can you do if your kid is bullied?

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    Member Rdirtypirates's Avatar
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    What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    What is the best course of action to take if your kid is bullied? A little background, this school is known for letting people bullied by teachers and certain students who either have rich parents or support the school? A student killed theirselves earlier this year blaming a teacher and nothing was done. On a Facebook group there are multiple posts about this issue and nothing be addressed. I am not worried about my son because he can take care of himself. My son is a little bigger, and dealt with it for months. I finally gave him the green light for physical violence right or wrong. He beat the kid up pretty good. He is a 13 yr old kid who now has a disorderly conduct charge and facing expulsion which he now will be because right when they went back same person started and nothing happened but he left to avoid another confrontation because ge doesn’t like being violent. My question what do I do because I now have another hearing I have to attend. If they do nothing what can I do?
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    Re: What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    You need documented evidence. Do you have any?
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    Re: What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Operator View Post
    You need documented evidence. Do you have any?
    The girl that killed herself left an instagram post accusing the teacher of bullying. I have the face book posts. I also have Snapchat messages and I have tried speaking to them about the issue. I also have a video from my son calling me while the principal crazily yelled at him.
    “ It is a shame what this worlds gotten to”

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    Re: What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    You need an attorney now, nobody can give you better advice than they can. It sucks this is happening, and I'm sorry, so many schools are terrible about bullying (my wife works on stuff related to these kinds of things so I hear about it a lot).
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    Re: What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rdirtypirates View Post
    What is the best course of action to take if your kid is bullied?
    I don't know, bullying is the worst thing ever, and it has been going on since the dawn of time. I never bothered anyone and I was bullied, and out of all my kids, only my youngest was bullied. He was a sweet kid, very artistic, very smart, but I think the other guys hated him only because the girls liked him, and they were jealous. Who knows. The only common denominator is that schools are terrible at dealing with it, and a lot of teachers are bullies too. I think the worst part is that the kids think there really is something wrong with them and won't talk to their parents because they are ashamed. I would often go back to class with blood on my shirt and never said anything, and nothing was said until once my dad saw a bunch of bruises on my upper body that I couldn't explain. My dad was great and there was no reason at all to not talk to him, but that's how 12 year old boys think.

    Anyway, in my son's case, he was 13, and the boys started throwing him against the wall in the morning and stomping on his lunch I packed for him. After about the third time he finally came to me, and I told him that unfortunately he will have to deal with people like this his whole life, and he has to think of a solution, and that the right solution is rarely the easiest one.

    Well, to make a long story short, he went full Gandhi and did a silent protest. He stopped doing homework, and when it came time for a test, he wrote his name on it and passed it in. I knew nothing about this, and about a week later the school called me and said my son refused to do any work, and all I could say is that this is their doing and they can either flunk him out or stop the kids from stealing his lunch. It was solved without me getting involved, at my son's wishes.

    I guess you could lawyer up, but in the real world lawyers cost a lot of money to do a good job, and I don't know if you have a lot of money. Your son's violent approach, although it probably made him feel good in the short term, was wrong and made the situation worse. I would go the passive route and let this situation become the school's problem. Let him be bullied, and when it comes to a head, have actual documented facts (not circumstantial evidence) on your side, and try to get the press involved. The one thing in your favor is that school administrators love to keep their jobs, and hate attention from the outside where nepotism won't help.

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    Re: What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    Quote Originally Posted by Redsfaithful View Post
    You need an attorney now, nobody can give you better advice than they can. It sucks this is happening, and I'm sorry, so many schools are terrible about bullying (my wife works on stuff related to these kinds of things so I hear about it a lot).
    Yeah, I have thought about this but have a hard time believing it will help. That poor girls story was quickly explained away with bull crap. No media, no school mention but to the students and a brief letter home. My son didn’t deal with half of what this girl dealt with. I more want to make an impact for others because I had a few parents contact and thank me because they have dealt with the same thing from the same person and nothing was done. My son, my wife and I decided he will no longer attend public school because nothing good will come of it. I may contact a lawyer that is still an option, and thank you.
    “ It is a shame what this worlds gotten to”

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    Re: What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    Quote Originally Posted by BernieCarbo View Post
    I don't know, bullying is the worst thing ever, and it has been going on since the dawn of time. I never bothered anyone and I was bullied, and out of all my kids, only my youngest was bullied. He was a sweet kid, very artistic, very smart, but I think the other guys hated him only because the girls liked him, and they were jealous. Who knows. The only common denominator is that schools are terrible at dealing with it, and a lot of teachers are bullies too. I think the worst part is that the kids think there really is something wrong with them and won't talk to their parents because they are ashamed. I would often go back to class with blood on my shirt and never said anything, and nothing was said until once my dad saw a bunch of bruises on my upper body that I couldn't explain. My dad was great and there was no reason at all to not talk to him, but that's how 12 year old boys think.

    Anyway, in my son's case, he was 13, and the boys started throwing him against the wall in the morning and stomping on his lunch I packed for him. After about the third time he finally came to me, and I told him that unfortunately he will have to deal with people like this his whole life, and he has to think of a solution, and that the right solution is rarely the easiest one.

    Well, to make a long story short, he went full Gandhi and did a silent protest. He stopped doing homework, and when it came time for a test, he wrote his name on it and passed it in. I knew nothing about this, and about a week later the school called me and said my son refused to do any work, and all I could say is that this is their doing and they can either flunk him out or stop the kids from stealing his lunch. It was solved without me getting involved, at my son's wishes.

    I guess you could lawyer up, but in the real world lawyers cost a lot of money to do a good job, and I don't know if you have a lot of money. Your son's violent approach, although it probably made him feel good in the short term, was wrong and made the situation worse. I would go the passive route and let this situation become the school's problem. Let him be bullied, and when it comes to a head, have actual documented facts (not circumstantial evidence) on your side, and try to get the press involved. The one thing in your favor is that school administrators love to keep their jobs, and hate attention from the outside where nepotism won't help.
    Funny they were friends and that is what it is over is a girl. I wish it were this easy, sadly it is an issue that has been going on almost all year. Yeah he didn’t want me to get involved, but I have to do what I think is best for my son. Never easy to feel so helpless.I got enough to get a lawyer , but zi feel sadly would be a waste of money especially sense it would be for a hearing that at this point, I don’t care what happens. I just want to put pressure on them and point out what they are doing to these kids and show all these messages that they do nothing about. That they let teachers and a principal bully kids. If people think a lawyer would help with this, I will definitely spend the money.

    Yes, the violent part is not easy. For someone who has seen a lot and doesn’t like it, it was a tough decision for me and one my wife hated. I just had no other advice. Sometimes you gotta just keep dealing with it or fight back, then that don’t even work because as you said he is in a worse position in school. Good thing I learned while he is still relatively young that this isn’t the school district I will raise my kids in. Do you actually think the press would grab onto this because at this point I just want to draw attention to the issue and hold people accountable. Thanks for advice, I think it is best to at least speak with a lawyer. Not really sure how I would get a hold of press. Not too knowledgeable about social media and using it. Thanks for the advice.
    “ It is a shame what this worlds gotten to”

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    Re: What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rdirtypirates View Post
    Yeah, I have thought about this but have a hard time believing it will help. That poor girls story was quickly explained away with bull crap. No media, no school mention but to the students and a brief letter home. My son didn’t deal with half of what this girl dealt with. I more want to make an impact for others because I had a few parents contact and thank me because they have dealt with the same thing from the same person and nothing was done. My son, my wife and I decided he will no longer attend public school because nothing good will come of it. I may contact a lawyer that is still an option, and thank you.
    Sometimes pulling them is the only winning move.

    Bernie is for sure correct that admin loves nothing more than to not have attention brought on them and they are trying to advance their careers and covers their behinds almost all of the time (there are many exceptions/good ones of course, I'm not trying to make a blanket statement.)

    FWIW, I said lawyer because:

    who now has a disorderly conduct charge and facing expulsion
    If I were in your shoes I would appeal the expulsion and then schedule a meeting with the superintendent to show him the video of the principal. If the child is staying in the district, I would frame all of this as just wanting what's best for your child moving forward vs. accusing the district of ignoring bullying, etc.

    There are many attorneys who offer free consultations for these issues. Googling "ohio expulsion appeal" and similar will turn some up.

    You also have the option of going to the school board, an attorney could also help with that.

    There is also the option of taking the video of the principal to local news, but this is the nuclear option, I wouldn't do it without legal advice beforehand, and I would plan to remove my child from the district in that case.
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    Re: What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    Quote Originally Posted by Redsfaithful View Post
    Sometimes pulling them is the only winning move.

    Bernie is for sure correct that admin loves nothing more than to not have attention brought on them and they are trying to advance their careers and covers their behinds almost all of the time (there are many exceptions/good ones of course, I'm not trying to make a blanket statement.)

    FWIW, I said lawyer because:



    If I were in your shoes I would appeal the expulsion and then schedule a meeting with the superintendent to show him the video of the principal. If the child is staying in the district, I would frame all of this as just wanting what's best for your child moving forward vs. accusing the district of ignoring bullying, etc.

    There are many attorneys who offer free consultations for these issues. Googling "ohio expulsion appeal" and similar will turn some up.

    You also have the option of going to the school board, an attorney could also help with that.

    There is also the option of taking the video of the principal to local news, but this is the nuclear option, I wouldn't do it without legal advice beforehand, and I would plan to remove my child from the district in that case.
    Yeah, at this point I am going to consult a lawyer and am removing him from that school. I think he would be expelled anyways because on the video with principal I guess it is called going live but he is cursing and not acting how he should. That is what this actual hearing is for. He was brought to the office to avoid another altercation when kid started with him and he pulled his phone out which is against school rules. He did wrong on that one. The first hearing was over the fighting and he ultimately was suspended ten days and the other child was not but was charged with disorderly conduct as well. Anybody have any experience with StX Moeller or elder. I think where I live it is either that school or these options. Thanks for the advice.
    “ It is a shame what this worlds gotten to”

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    What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    This reminds of 3 different incidents.
    1. I was in 2nd grade and a kid who had failed and was bigger was in my class. He had been kind of been bullying me already, when one day he purposely threw a basketball in my face. I’d had enough, so I immediately went after him swinging. We fought for maybe 10 seconds before the teacher that witnessed all this unfold, broke it up. After we got sent to the office, he got in trouble, but I was only warned. He never bullied me ever again, because he realized I wasn’t going to allow that.
    2. My son was playing soccer and was age 6. A big boy on the other team kept shoving a much smaller kid on my son’s team. Finally my son had seen enough and ran up and shoved the bully to the ground.
    3. Me and my 11 year old son were at a HS basketball game. Ryan went to the concession stand right before halftime. I went at halftime myself and saw my son talking to the principal, along with other kids. Evidently a kid from the other school, who happened to have played my son’s basketball team the day before had hit a younger kid my son new, so my son stepped in and clocked the other kid. The principal who I already knew because his son was a year younger than mine and also played basketball, was actually upset with his son because his son witnessed this too and did nothing. No one got in trouble and I was once again proud of my son for standing up for another kid who was being bullied.

    All that said, I don’t think violence is always the right answer, but sometimes you have to stand up for yourself or others, so bullies realize their behavior won’t be tolerated

    I’m really not sure what you should do, but it does seem like you should get some legal advice. I sincerely hope it all works out for you and your son!!


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    Last edited by LiferJim; 03-16-2024 at 02:56 PM.
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    Re: What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    When I was in high school I never dealt with bullying per se but more a lot of snarky comments/behavior thrown my way. I was never a witty person, fought back, good with comebacks, and I was overweight back then so I was a natural target. In response to that I developed a very avoidant personality. It is what it is/was what it was... I mean after high school I never saw any of those kids again that bothered me but I was never good at standing up for myself. So I think there was a trade off. I still work with a therapist on assertive behavior/body language.

    I think it's important though to stand up for yourself. Echoing some other sentiments in the thread maybe it's time to look for a new school if it can't get resolved?


    On another note it really wasn't all that long ago when I was in high school (around 20 years). But I can see a lot has changed and not necessarily for the better with all this social media stuff (Instagram, Facebook, Snap Chat). Even if kids when I was going to school did get in fist fights with each other they would go home and typically have some time to cool off. With social media it's just all relentlessly in your face. And I think that sucks.

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    What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    Quote Originally Posted by ShyGuy View Post
    When I was in high school I never dealt with bullying per se but more a lot of snarky comments/behavior thrown my way. I was never a witty person, fought back, good with comebacks, and I was overweight back then so I was a natural target. In response to that I developed a very avoidant personality. It is what it is/was what it was... I mean after high school I never saw any of those kids again that bothered me but I was never good at standing up for myself. So I think there was a trade off. I still work with a therapist on assertive behavior/body language.

    I think it's important though to stand up for yourself. Echoing some other sentiments in the thread maybe it's time to look for a new school if it can't get resolved?


    On another note it really wasn't all that long ago when I was in high school (around 20 years). But I can see a lot has changed and not necessarily for the better with all this social media stuff (Instagram, Facebook, Snap Chat). Even if kids when I was going to school did get in fist fights with each other they would go home and typically have some time to cool off. With social media it's just all relentlessly in your face. And I think that sucks.
    Your right, cyber bullying is a huge problem

    https://www.pewresearch.org/internet...bullying-2022/


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    Last edited by LiferJim; 03-17-2024 at 12:02 PM.
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    Re: What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    rdirty, I'm really sorry to hear about the issues your son faced and is facing now.

    I think a lot of folks are giving you solid advice (Rf, in particular). However, I want to strongly urge you (and anyone else) to ignore Bernie's suggestion that you allow a child to be bullied and wait until things come to a "head" before reacting. That's far too late to take steps to protect your child from abusers, which is what bullies are. And keep in mind that bullies don't necessarily target just one child. There are likely others who will be emotionally and/or physically scarred by their abusers in the meantime.

    By the time a parent is aware that their child is being bullied, the parent needs to assume that the abuse has gone on for quite some time in some form. The first moment you're made aware that something is happening is the time to protect your child; to get an attorney involved, law enforcement, school officials, school boards, etc. The hope is that they won't need any motivation to put a stop to the bullying, but just in case, the sooner these individuals realize they may potentially be held personally and professionally liable for the damage done, both past and future, the better.

    The term "bullying" is used, but it's abuse by peers, period. Every parent should have a plan developed regarding how to handle this before it happens. The school having a developed anti-bullying plan, including prohibited instructor behavior, should be a primary consideration for enrolling any child. And no matter what kind of abuse you think is happening, never, EVER wait to act on the child's behalf because acting in their best interests is a parent's only job.
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    Re: What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    My experience with kids in school is like 1993-2012 so it’s somewhat dated.

    I don’t have any great advice if the school system isn’t going to deal with the issue fairly and openly. My kids all grew up in Mason City Schools. We had our fair share of bullying (boys and girls) but the school did a decent job of dealing with it. We always made it a point to know the kids’ teachers so often times, a phone call/email to them would suffice to raise awareness from the schools’ perspective. Admittedly, it certainly helped we knew school administration (a principal lived across the street and my daughter played soccer with a school board member’s daughter) so we were socially connected with the powers to be. Mason as a district takes bullying in all its forms very seriously and has avenues to take action both via the district themselves and also an anonymous external means. Our kids were relatively normal and we ran the gamut of issues with being bullied, behavior issues, truancy, and drugs. Most people don’t admit to these things and always pretend everything is “fine”. But we had stuff happen and had to deal with it.
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    Re: What can you do if your kid is bullied?

    Quote Originally Posted by LiferJim View Post
    Your right, cyber bullying is a huge problem

    https://www.pewresearch.org/internet...bullying-2022/


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    Yeah. I think that actually makes it worse now. There's no escape from it for some kids.

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